Tripping...yes I am

Miriam Makeba is on my play list. Surprise song! combined with the rain- this song sends me places. Think playgrounds and grass thatched houses. Lantern lit dinners and BBC News at 6p.m. Listening to guys talking through their 'noses' ;).

I was 14 years of age. Living with my Grand Parents. The Best Couple ever. The closest i ever came to living with Mummy, Daddy and Joy. Yes, there was Joy-in abundance.

At 14, I was exploring and learning and exploring and messing up. Had my first crush- yeah, had a huge crush on the neighbor's kid who seemed to be a ladies' man at my school. My crush all went and died the day he showed up at my school someday and everyone was around him. Well, I know it was a single sex school but everyone was so around him.
Suffice to say, my crush died that day- before I had had an opportunity to be exploited... :D
But, his Dad was a great guy. Had all these books in his study room.. The first time my Grandpa sent me to drop off Nelson Mandela's thriller I was blown away. Totally- I didn't want to walk out of that room. The Late Mr. Ochiengs was a smart guy (oh yeah, he was a lawyer and I was a teen wearing my heart on my forehead).. He looked at me once and told me to pick 5 books. And I could keep them. As long as I read each and gave him a summary- one a week.

He passed on a few months later though. I hope he is resting in Peace. I still have 3 of the five books. I have lost possessions in my life but I can't seem to let go of my Jeffrey Archer, John Grisham and Danielle Steele. The other two, I lost at school- trying to fit in circles by sharing...

So, the evenings with my GrandPa. My Best Friend to date. My Dad. The only Gentleman I've known in this walk of life. My Teacher. My Friend. We listened to Miriam Makeba sometimes- most times before the news came on.

Oh how I miss my Grand Pa. I miss you Jajja Dad.. Ok. So, we'd sit and listen to Makeba (RIP)- aaah, and he'd teach me things about life. Little things here and there.

He taught me how to bargain something to half price with a straight face.

He taught me that family is everything. He taught me that Love is enough. I look back (with tears) at the times he would come visiting me with nothing but his copy of the Sunday Monitor and a packet of family biscuits. We'd sit down and he'd tell me about my GrandMa who was bedridden at the time.
And he'd leave me a happy little teenager.

I remember a time I was suspended after just two weeks of school!! Two weeks! I got home, and fed him my story as was. He looked me in the eye and told me loved me very much. But he was a Teacher. So, he believed my story alright, but when we got to school he would believe the headteacher's story too. And whatever punishment would be dished out, I was to accept without any remorse. So, we agreed on that and fried egg that evening. The topic was never mentioned again.
Super GrandPa.

Oh wait, Its stopped raining- and I gotta come back to right now. Right now, aint so happy. Right now has responsibilities... Responsibilities.

If i could, If it were possible, I would have loved to spend a few more hours with him. ok. at least one hour a day with him. Just one hour a day.
Wait, he is physically gone, but still here,... so, why don't I, put aside one hour a day and write my GrandPa a letter. One a day...

Brilliant... Looking forward to that-we can do this Jajja Dan. We can.

Tomorrow morning- we'll hang out together. That I promise. Right now, I gotta go and do adult runs- Things... see people, take care of them...

I love you.

Goodbye to the old me- Imperfect progress

July 1, 2013.
That's right.... New month is here. Not just new month but a whole half year is gone by.
Full of drama, heartaches and all one would think the clocks would stop and give one a chance to correct mistakes but nope.... Time waits for no one.
Tick went the clock.
This month i turn a year older.. Second time am mentioning it in three days. It must be bigger than am willing to admit.
My birrhday is supposed to be the day i start over....laughable
However, i will make an effort to read my bible and grow everyday. I know i'll miss a few days but hey am human (weak).
Imperfect progress is my July theme.
Everyday for the next 30 days, i will do somerhing different.
Random different things... I wont list them. I don't know them... I want to surprise me.
Anyone waiting for me to please them might have a long time in the queue.. Infact they shd ger themselves some readinf material. I recommend This or This one or Here and My All Time Favorite.

So, with lovely skies, new days and new beginnings.

Morning Drive to work

sun making her way to the world

I know this new year, I will do my best to make wiser decisions. Not just about me but about everyone who looks up to me.
Get out of the web of those who want to change me to their need but are not willing to take me as i am.

Yes, I do a lot of pleasing everyone around me. Bend backwards for them. Meanwhile they never make a move towards me. I always have to move towards them. Always giving.

all unhealthy relationships ended with the Close of June.

Oh, well, let's get to work. I've written this post for two days... (hihihihihih)

Cheers.

Confused Friend continues her plight-the next episode

Sat down again with my friend: my apologies, it hurt so bad i couldn't write it yet.
But here goes: The drama continues- the confusion intensifies... someone, please anyone set a match to this maze... am worried about her. she might drown-

So, We get to give names as the story continues.
Meet the players in this our real life drama- heartbreak galore.
1. Confused friend- Pretty smile
2. Baby Papa- Baby Papa
3. New man- SNL

Pretty Smile met SNL years ago. Their's was an online meet. A random chat room and numbers and personal emails were exchanged. The conversations were carried offline- but never face to face.

It wasn't until two years after the initial cyber meet that they actually met in the physical.
Needless to say, they'd flirted online and the meet up was a culmination of their previous late night phone chats.
They shared one but the most electrically charged kiss at a random location in the city. It was at the clock of midnight. They crossed over from one year to the other locked in each other's arms.
It was just a kiss. a kiss neither forgot. They parted ways, lost contact- mean things were said, SNL avoided Pretty Smile, and Pretty Smile found Baby Papa.

Years later SNL shows up, and finds Pretty Smile with a coupla babies and separated from Baby Papa. Chemistry between SNL and Pretty Smile is tight, just right though out of the blue, Pretty Smile discovers she's expecting again -Baby Papa's. And baby papa does all in his might to separate PS and SNL. Succeeds, anyway, she is pregnant and cant stay with a man who's not the dad of her baby.

Shortly after leaving SNL, BP leave PS.
So, PS, is single again and pregnant for Baby Papa. Yeah, life sucks.
Meanwhile, BP, starts a new relationship with a work mate.

onwards and forwards, through lonely maternity ward visits, walking to and from hospitals and eventually delivering a beautiful bouncing baby boy, Pretty smile comes out happy.
Finally finds her footing. And somehow,  a code is re-struck between SNL and Pretty Smile.
SNL is having a lady in his life too, so Pretty Smile is kinda hanging in air. But the Chemistry is more than right, it can only be compared to those things in telenovelas.

They walk village paths, make their own memories, and he tells her he loves her.
SNL actually confesses to loving Pretty Smile.
She's ecstatic to say the least.

And then Baby Papa re-appears. With his heart wrenching tirades,
he even managed to spend money on Pretty Smile, went all out on the dates
and all that.

Pretty Smile talks to her 'buddies' who tell her he's out for a lay.

Now, Pretty Smile is inclined to walk out on SNL and Baby Papa too.
She knows the danger of cutting off Baby Papa from her life for good.
There is three children who would be left fatherless.

But this here is her argument- you are welcome to judge her, advise just plain hate on her.

Baby Papa, sought her out because she was happy, and it hurt him that she was happy or maybe he wanted a share of that happiness well knowing what damage he could cause to her already fragile nature.

He wanted SNL outta her life- No brainer there.

He was desperate to get laid, and thought- oh well, she could lay me for free and if she says anything,, i'll accuse her of being crazy, after all the whole world knows i left her and i could never go back to her.-paranoid thinking

Who doesn't want a simple life?- we all do.

I asked my Little friend what her plans were:
Right now, she's hurting all over again. Damn this heart. She's unsure of what to do and how to go about it.
She reckons, cutting off all contact from both men, would be a good start. I pray she does not go pyscho on all of us now.

Going back to raising the babies. There is a few projects that need to picked up.
Quite ambitious list of things too, I can say.
I just wish her well in all her aspirations.

I hope and pray that his Pretty Smily young woman finds her silver lining at the end of this dark phase of her life.
Listening to Kelly Rowland's Dirty Laundry just reminds me of the sad look in my friends eyes. I pray her smile reaches her eyes once again.

When you’re soaked in tears for years, it never airs out

When you make pain look this good it never wears out

This dirty laundry, this dirty laundry

The Plight of my Confused friend.

"He's supposed to have moved on. Hell, he did move on. He has a 6 day old baby girl.He walked out and said he was done.Welcomed me to pray if i wanted to but he was never coming back to me."

He'd found his happily ever after and in his words "I plan on enjoying every second of it'.

Then someone help me understand, why he's leaving her voice messages.
Why he is asking her out to dates-
They've been to a coffee date, a car park date(we all know how cosy and romantic 3 hour car park dates can be)
They are slated to go for a movie date sometime this week.

He's telling her how he'll never find another like her.
The 3 hour car park date had him talk about the first time he knew he was in love with her.

He described her attire that day-not very striking (same attire the author is doning today-well different colors)
She was seeing another guy back there but he was in love with her and we all know how far a man in love will go.
He told her he wanted her to be the mother of his children.
Years later, they have three children. Three lovely children.
But then he has another baby with another woman-

He confessed to openly comparing his current woman to her.
Told her, the only fight he'd had with his current lady was her telling him she'd never be his first wife.

He told her, he sees her in his dreams while lying next to the new woman.
He feels she does not deserve what she's going through.
He was in the labor ward with the new lady and all he could think about was the three times he abandoned her when she was having their three children.

Sad, right. Very sad.
But then, its not that this woman-Mother of 3 is a drop dead beauty.
she's not that intelligent or well educated. She does not come from an educated rich background.

She's just there. But then she prayed.
And this here is a manifestation of her prayers being answered.
Everyday that he hurt her, she prayed for God to touch his heart with love.
She prayed for God's grace to see her through the next evening with a smile.

His family told her to let the guy go, because he was fed up of her, but on she clung.
Let's say, he is the father of her children. That's a forever bond.
Her family told her to forget about him and move on.
Her friends told her to concentrate on making money for her children.

She listened to them all.
Went to work, and she covers 100% of the children's welfare.
But still she prayed for this man to love her.

And, she's in love with another man. -yes she finally let him go.
She's in love with another man. A man who confessed to loving her back.
And The father of her children is also confessing his never will die love for her.

He knows about the new man in her life.
He does not want her to break up with him.
but he maintains, he's not happy where he is.
His heart lies in her hands- in her smile, in her capability to handle difficult situations with less to average
resources and still manage to smile.
His heart lies with her capability to have her children maintain a healthy status all year through, without any help from him.

As i write, my heart goes out to her.
She's wondering why Baby Papa is confessing his love and being so nice to her.
Reminiscing and fantasizing a would have been future with her.
Why he just does not stay where he is.

She was fine, without him. she'd learnt to re-love herself enough for the whole world.
she was smiling from her heart, and not just with her teeth.

alright, so, anyone out there.
What does this guy want? Is it a ploy to keep her glued to unhappiness?
Is he sorry? If he asked, should she say yes?

and the Man she's in love with?
What happens now?

Next time, I'll give you a brief background into the Man she's love with right now, and how far they came.

You see she has a six year history with both men. One is the father of her children and the other is the Man who keeps around and is nice..

More next time.

for now, she's confused.

First of Many........

My name Lexchi.....Graduated from My Name Kikaji....

Azzaria Alexandra Namuyimba...
My sweet little girl. Turned 2 years on December 29, 2012. So excited to have a cake brought for you..
Just for you. The whole year you kept singing 'happy birthday' for everyone else, but no one had said anything about Lexi's birthday.

2  YEARS

Broke my heart, when with such hope in your eyes, you asked me if I had brought your birthday for you.
My Smart Little Girl, everyone else had received one but you.

I didnt know you were counting and ticking off all this time. My Pretty Girl, its not that you were the least, but You are the Best, my Crowning.
You were born at the end of the year because you are very important and the best bit of the Cake.
you are my icing on the Cake.

I love you so much Lexi.

Even the nights when you sit up and remind me (stuttering away) to p-p-p-pray for daddy...
I love you my girl.
When I wake you in the middle of the night to potty and you dont want to leave the warmth of your bed
I love you.
When minutes later, you pee on your bed, i have failed to get angry at this...I love you my sweet one.

Your father calls you Azzaria, I call you Lexi. And we love you.

You might not see your father much...or might not see him for a long long time to come but always know he loved you.

When am gone, please don't hate him. We have our different ways of coping. That was his way.
He chose.
We love him. Never ever doubt my love for your father or his love for me.
He loves me as much as I love him. We aint together because of grown up things that happened.

And both of us love you so  much. So much.

Two years, that you are. Smart Girl you will always be.

Well, your mum loves talking..

Can't say it enough.

It's a girl thing

I LOVE YOU MY BABY.