Azzaria

December 29, 2010.

It will always be a special day. Special evening.
you were an emotional pack right from the first day.


2 years later, you are telling me your dreams.

For a baby who didn't see much of her Dad, you ask about him more than your sister.

You are a serious little girl. You care for detail.
Its hard to describe you in one word.

Actually, it gets kinda hard to describe you at all.
And am your mother.
You call me Mummy.

You call out for me, in the middle of a nightmare.
You cry when i disappear when you know am supposed to be home.
You comb my hair when i least expect it.
You, Love me back in the best way you know how.

You share your food with me, whenever you have.
You have taught your sister how to share.

Did I mention that you were fully coherent before you made 18 months!
Azzaria, your father calls you.
I call you Lexi.

Well, Lexi, this journey that we are on, is gonna be a great one.
I can't promise you much, but I can promise to love you always.

Whatever you do, wherever you are, I will love you.

You will always be my Little Lexi.

Luiga Lexi Azzaria N.

12345...We made it.

"Mummy, I count for you?"
1-2-3-4-9-8-6-7-5

"Taira, can you count again"

1-2-3-4-5!!!

yay!! We have 5 in its rightful place.

This little child of mine has come from far.
Remember the child she was the first day she came home.
All Dark, with practically no fat on her legs..(ntumbwe)
Not that she was a premature- full term but small child she was.

Always had a serious look on her face though.
One that said, I know Mum, all will be ok.

funny, even the father thinks that's what she's always telling him.

So, my miracle baby-Altaira N.

4 years later, I look at you taking care of everyone, and I know,

Altairah

I did something right.

You have suffered so, in these 4 few years that you've seen so far
But I believe that the best is yet to come.

Your best years are ahead of you.
Sometimes, I wish I knew how to make you just be my baby.

Not opening doors for your sister or putting the groceries in the fridge as soon as i get home.
Last night, your sister asked you to clear her place at the table for her and you did it without a qualm.

Yet she does not like being sent.
My Little Altairah.

My love Altairah.

My Baby Girl.

Mummy loves you so much.
I love you girl.

This Young Man of mine

He's 5 months now.
Five whole months.
And a whole new experience all together.

I am a repeat offender and I thought that Mothering would come easily this time round
Afterall, I've been at it for a while now.

But no, this young lad insists on being his own man.
His first word is 'Awo' in response to hello

He's my first baby to reject dairy milk.
I know he shouldn't be doing dairy before 1 year of age
but Formula is not easy on the pocket.
Single parenting....hmmm

So, Micah Adam....I love the sound of that.
You are YOU.

We all love you.
Your sisters hate it when you cry.
They still treat you as their favorite toy.

We love you Micah.
Keep growing My Son

Unexpected happenings

When I woke up this morning, I was sure it would be a perfect day.
I knew beyond reasonable human doubt, that as long as the sun held high up there
My heart would be smiling.
I felt it in my heart, that all my loved ones would have a perfect day.

But, I forgot one thing, I disrespected a superior power.
These things are not mine to predict, they are not mine to decide.

Some of my loved ones are in mourning. A workmate lost his sister.
Now, that's not what I was looking forward to.
I'd replayed in my mind conversations, soft teasing banter for the 10 hours I'd be sharing
with my workmates.

None of the conversations I'd set up included funeral arrangements, travel arrangements
or TEARS.
Yet there has been tears in this office room this morning.
Tears brought on by the loss of a loved one.

Once again am humbled into submission.
I can only celebrate that which i have seen.
And only openly anticipate the rest, but not count on the rest which am yet to see.

This Does not mean, I'll stop thanking the Lord God for all the good/great things He's done in my future already.
I know He's done them because I asked. and when I ask He Does. Because He's God.
Knew me before, knows me now, AND KNOWS ME IN FUTURE. How awesomer can it get.

I thank You Lord for the time Rawllings' sister had with her family and loved ones.
Thank you for all the smiles she put on everyone's face.
Thank you for the positivity she contributed to my Country.
Thank you for the Children she brought forth to this earth.
Thank you Lord for granting her your peace.

Thank you Jesus for this day.
It is the day that you have made, I am rejoicing and am glad in it.

Take a look at me now

Take a look at me now....
My smile is full, and My glass is half full.

You are my son. My love, my baby.
I love you son.

I love you.

TODAY I UN-QUIT

I HAD QUIT
For a long time now, i've been living in quit land.
I'd quit of my family's future.
I'd quit on responsible spending.
I'd quit on parenting my children.
I'd quit on my friends and family.
I'd quit on my life.
I'd quit on my salvation
I'd quit on the love of my life. ;-)

And I lied. I lied to all that everything was fine.
I lied to my prayer partners that I was still standing with them.
I lied to myself that I didn't simply care anymore.

You don't just stop caring.
Once you care, you can't stop.
My Little girl believes I can make the nausea go away.
"Mummy, give me medicine so that i dont kusemema"
"Mummy, my stomach is pain me, come and say sorry"
You dont stop caring.

So today I UNQUIT.
Yes, i am un-quitting
Am not that girl who gives up.
My children need a stable future..and am not quitting anymore.
Am not that mother who chooses my life over my children's welfare.
Am not that mother who chooses to give up on raising stable up right women and A MAN.

Am not.....
Am not.

So today, I unquit.
I choose to spend more time with my girls.
I choose to spend the money  i earn responsibly,
I choose to involve all and sundry in raising the children.

I choose to love God with all my heart and all that I have and all that I am.
I choose Salvation.
I choose Jesus Christ.
I choose to trust in the Lord.
I choose to read the bible everyday.

Not easy to do, but I choose to be.

So help me God.