Why I love

Its been a heavy very heavy day 2.
I wrote this Piece
some time back.
Today, my second day of moving away from a particular unhealthy addiction saw me going through heartache so heavy i almost died.
i tell am kinda counting the days. stuff has been happening. lots of stuff...on all fronts.
And stuff happened. we kissed and made up.
But then I keep asking myself Why I love so hard, people find it easy to hurt- or maybe Why I hurt so easily yet I love so hard.
AM I trying so hard?
Oh well....am posting this post because i cant seem to finish writing it

TOMORROW

Sitting here listening to Jill Scott croon away her A long walk as the month fades out. The sun has more or less gone to bed. I should be in my bed too but these things of being an adult usually keep me up late.
whatcha y'all thinkin? huh?

Alright, am visiting a friend, yeah a friend who by the way wants me to get off his computer or he walks out on me!! can you imagine such meanness!!! really? This guy can be mean.

After all the smiles i sent his way the whole evening? Can you imagine that? Really?

Well, its today morning. The day after last night.

" I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what--at last--I have found."
An excerpt from Bertrand Russell's Three passions of life

That my friends is the reason I love with abandon. Momentary as it usually is, the feeling i get from giving myself totally to another being is way out of this world.

This here is one post that actually has no particular story to tell, I mean, i started writing it last evening and its 17:40 on the day after... put a paragraph up at 7:15 today. So, this is one of those posts that just happens because it has to happen.

But then again, that does not mean that life aint happening. It happens in abundance.

From a whole week of a house full of un-well folks to another week of running on empty- literally.
Somehow this too shall pass.

From Christabelle's needs being unmet to the father of my children holding out on child support and blaming it on my apparent silence towards him- This too shall pass.

July has but one day left on the calendar. Not sure what August brings with her. Hell, not sure what the next minute brings along but still i hope for a brighter smile, a tighter hug and a passionate kiss.

Still I hope... at the end of the day, hope is all am left with. I can not control what comes my way, I can plan, save and plan until the cows' great granddaughters come home for breakfast but I will never be able to control what the next minute will bring with it.

I love a man. I am in love with a man. Yet still in the midst of my unfounded infatuation i somehow still manage to judge him on basis of my previous state of heart (shattered heart that I had yesterday).

So, I will hope that tomorrow, will bring me a brighter smile.
Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.
Tomorrow will see me eventually meet my targets all round.

Cheers to a better love filled successful TOMORROW.

TOMORROW

Mauryn

...with a broken heart...that's still beating

Day one passed. i craved and assuaged my craving. yes am broken...giving in to my craving is step one to my healing....

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep
tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my
time
I am here still waiting though i still have my
doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already
figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
The broken locks were a warning you got inside
my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book
instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still
looking for life
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin'
on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still
holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK
The broken lights on the freeway left me here
alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten
my way home
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin'
on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still
holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on
(I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still
holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Someone else's eyes

Day zero-not fair
This is my life and it's my right to live
The way I want to live each day
That's what I wanna say
And this is my song
And for too long I sang someone else's melody
It wasn't really me
Somehow I took myself for granted
In someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
I can't love you, I can't love me through
someone else's eyes
You were the sun, I was the one who just
Revolved around you day and night
You were my only life but if I were free
Baby, I'd take control of everything inside of me
Find who I wanna be
I'd never take myself for granted
In someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
I can't love you, I can't love me in someone
else's eyes
I gotta show myself I can still exist without a
man.
Gotta finally take control, gotta see myself as
whole with you
Though you're not the one to blame, I was lost
inside your name
And I'll never be the same till I find a way back
home again
In someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
When I, I can't, I and I will not, you can't make
me
Ooh, someone else's eyes, ooh, baby, baby, baby
Till I find a way back home again
Through someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was, hey, caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
I can't love you, I can't love you through
someone else's eyes, ooh
Someone else's eyes, no baby, ooh
Someone else's eyes, can't do it, I can't do it
I, I love you, sweet baby, I wanna be with you,
baby
Through someones else's eyes, ooh
Someone else's eyes, oh, baby
Oh yeah, someone else's eyes
I wanna be by your side
God haven't you heard this lady's cry?

Goodbye to the old me- Imperfect progress

July 1, 2013.
That's right.... New month is here. Not just new month but a whole half year is gone by.
Full of drama, heartaches and all one would think the clocks would stop and give one a chance to correct mistakes but nope.... Time waits for no one.
Tick went the clock.
This month i turn a year older.. Second time am mentioning it in three days. It must be bigger than am willing to admit.
My birrhday is supposed to be the day i start over....laughable
However, i will make an effort to read my bible and grow everyday. I know i'll miss a few days but hey am human (weak).
Imperfect progress is my July theme.
Everyday for the next 30 days, i will do somerhing different.
Random different things... I wont list them. I don't know them... I want to surprise me.
Anyone waiting for me to please them might have a long time in the queue.. Infact they shd ger themselves some readinf material. I recommend This or This one or Here and My All Time Favorite.

So, with lovely skies, new days and new beginnings.

Morning Drive to work

sun making her way to the world

I know this new year, I will do my best to make wiser decisions. Not just about me but about everyone who looks up to me.
Get out of the web of those who want to change me to their need but are not willing to take me as i am.

Yes, I do a lot of pleasing everyone around me. Bend backwards for them. Meanwhile they never make a move towards me. I always have to move towards them. Always giving.

all unhealthy relationships ended with the Close of June.

Oh, well, let's get to work. I've written this post for two days... (hihihihihih)

Cheers.