No Title

January 22, 2013.
I so feel like writing, and am not even sure what to write about.
funny thing is every day on my way home, i look into people's eyes and promise myself to write and make plans to make someone's life better.

Thing is there is so much pain. so much uncertainty everywhere i look.
What i don't understand is who will ever answer the questions.

Let me start with the questions in my babies' eyes every morning.
single mum that i am, when i leave in the morning, they have this ever present question
"will you come back?"
Breaks my heart.
Every time.
That makes me scared to hell of what will happen if i don't come back.
If am not able to come back to them, ever again.
How would life be?
I know, they'd somehow adapt to the new situation but, do i want them to.
Then again, do i have a choice?

Then I find smartly dressed people waiting for commuter taxis at the bus stop..

That is another story, usually covers up the ones i left at my house.

Take for instance this Boda boda rider, he's always at the stage by 6 a.m! every morning.
He's got 4 children, the youngest being 6 years.
They need school fees.

The lady bargaining with the taxi conductor to reduce the taxi fare by 200shs!

Then comes the evenings. With all the makeup wiped off. No time or need to touch up.
Man!!!

that's where my creative juices glum up.
There is too much running in my mind i can't write all of it on paper.

i need an edema..

LESSONS BEING LEARNED

This Young Little Child of Mine. Altaira Namuyimba....
Born on the 6th of June, 2009 at 18:30 hrs. Beautiful Saturday afternoon.
Life Changing Saturday.

You were so little. Remember being picked up by your Aunts,
so pretty..My little child.

From day one, you wore a serious expression. Kinda like you were thinking hard
Contemplating what to do next, or how you were gonna fix me.

You have not stopped trying to fix me.
3 years, 7 months old now, and you are still trying to fix all around you.

When I look in your eyes, i see so many questions. some of which you have voiced.
Others, am still waiting on you to voice them.

My Love, Mummy will try her level best to answer each one of them questions.

Its not your job to fix me darling. Am not broken. I love you.

I love you in a way i never thought it possible to love anyone in my life before.

Not sure what i would do, or how i would live if i came home and that shrill sound was not there to greet me.
My little busy body, always wanting to put away things.

you've always loved bags, ever since i can remember when.

This my Daughter, this here is my forever pledge to you.....

I'll never let you go. I'll never replace you.

YOU ARE MY LOVE, MY LIFE, MY JOY.

Your sisters look up to you. Yes both of them do. Your brother already feels you are his everything.

Altaira....(Taiiwa)....you are the glue.

You are teaching me what loving and parenting is all about.

Yes Ma'am, we'll keep praying and all our prayers will be answered.

Mummy loves you.

First of Many........

My name Lexchi.....Graduated from My Name Kikaji....

Azzaria Alexandra Namuyimba...
My sweet little girl. Turned 2 years on December 29, 2012. So excited to have a cake brought for you..
Just for you. The whole year you kept singing 'happy birthday' for everyone else, but no one had said anything about Lexi's birthday.

2  YEARS

Broke my heart, when with such hope in your eyes, you asked me if I had brought your birthday for you.
My Smart Little Girl, everyone else had received one but you.

I didnt know you were counting and ticking off all this time. My Pretty Girl, its not that you were the least, but You are the Best, my Crowning.
You were born at the end of the year because you are very important and the best bit of the Cake.
you are my icing on the Cake.

I love you so much Lexi.

Even the nights when you sit up and remind me (stuttering away) to p-p-p-pray for daddy...
I love you my girl.
When I wake you in the middle of the night to potty and you dont want to leave the warmth of your bed
I love you.
When minutes later, you pee on your bed, i have failed to get angry at this...I love you my sweet one.

Your father calls you Azzaria, I call you Lexi. And we love you.

You might not see your father much...or might not see him for a long long time to come but always know he loved you.

When am gone, please don't hate him. We have our different ways of coping. That was his way.
He chose.
We love him. Never ever doubt my love for your father or his love for me.
He loves me as much as I love him. We aint together because of grown up things that happened.

And both of us love you so  much. So much.

Two years, that you are. Smart Girl you will always be.

Well, your mum loves talking..

Can't say it enough.

It's a girl thing

I LOVE YOU MY BABY.