The year is nearly over.. And yes, I am going with the flow. Getting all sentimental and making all those wishes which I am very sure I will break before December 31 comes by. But oh well, the emotions are just right for this kind of thing.
Emotions? Yes, it's that time of the month where my hormones send me on an emotional seesaw. Am torn between staying happy or angry at everything that is failing to go right.
It would not be so hard on me if the cramps were less painful. But, I have to contend with these excruciating abdominal cramps and a mood that just won't make up it's mind. Another thing that is not helping is all my 'special' friends seem to have given up on me. I have to be strong for me today. I know I have to-let me see if reminiscing about the year will make my mood lighter.
I remember this season with half a smile. Okay, the other half of the smile is on the inside. It was a nice time for me. Carefree to say the least. I lived like there was nothing in the world holding me back. Looking back at that period, I am inclined to think I was smoking some strange tobacco or other.
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
Sunday, December 7, 2014
No Title
Nobody’s memory is perfect or complete. We jumble things
up, loose track of time. Here in one place then another and it all feels
like one long, inescapable moment. I know that because every time I have something to write about- I end up writing about five different things and confuse not only myself but almost everyone within a five mile reading radius.
It is never my intention however to tell seven different stories within one- I am not generous by design just by circumstance (at least I'd like to think so about myself).
It has been a year of things going wrong- feels like the gods chose this year to be the one year I achieve so much then lose almost all of it within the same year. What I did wrong, I can't exactly tell. But I keep telling myself, I could be paying for all the sins that have been put against my name from the day I got here. Hold that thought, aren't those sins supposed to have been cleared the moment I went on my knees to say, "Dear Lord, forgive me for all my trespasses....."
Well, if my sins were forgiven and cleared, then I do not know what to chalk my losses up to.
But, losses and all, the year still is coming to an end and I am not sure if I am ready for the whole start over thing. The resolution making, swearing and promising- then less than a month later, fall back to the familiar pattern. Go back to that abusive friend, forget to say bedtime prayers, drop the morning exercise routine, fall back into un-healthy eating and on the list goes.
In short, I hate the hullabaloo that comes with new year, new month, new job, new things... apart from the excitement of new baby. Thinking new babies, (insert short prayer for all laboring mothers) I believe I have found a cure for my baby crave. I pray and hope it will work. (no, I didn't pray but it feels like the right thing to say). As soon as I can sit up long enough to finish this other plan- I believe I will well be on my way to baby crave cure.
Cheers to baby crave cure.
It is never my intention however to tell seven different stories within one- I am not generous by design just by circumstance (at least I'd like to think so about myself).
It has been a year of things going wrong- feels like the gods chose this year to be the one year I achieve so much then lose almost all of it within the same year. What I did wrong, I can't exactly tell. But I keep telling myself, I could be paying for all the sins that have been put against my name from the day I got here. Hold that thought, aren't those sins supposed to have been cleared the moment I went on my knees to say, "Dear Lord, forgive me for all my trespasses....."
Well, if my sins were forgiven and cleared, then I do not know what to chalk my losses up to.
But, losses and all, the year still is coming to an end and I am not sure if I am ready for the whole start over thing. The resolution making, swearing and promising- then less than a month later, fall back to the familiar pattern. Go back to that abusive friend, forget to say bedtime prayers, drop the morning exercise routine, fall back into un-healthy eating and on the list goes.
In short, I hate the hullabaloo that comes with new year, new month, new job, new things... apart from the excitement of new baby. Thinking new babies, (insert short prayer for all laboring mothers) I believe I have found a cure for my baby crave. I pray and hope it will work. (no, I didn't pray but it feels like the right thing to say). As soon as I can sit up long enough to finish this other plan- I believe I will well be on my way to baby crave cure.
Cheers to baby crave cure.
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