She called me MAMA

At two years, three months and twent nine days Lexi called me Mama.
don't get me wrong, she's not speech handicapped. She's been adressing me as Mummy since I can remember when. But she'd never called me Mama. I've been mummy to her because everyone around her addresses me as such. Last night, she had a nightmare, and she came to my bed, woke me up crying, all the time calling me Mama.
my heart flipped. The emotions that run through me were unspeakable.
My girl called me mama. Azzie called me mama.
And that, just that one word keeps me going. No one will make me let go of that. The midnight hugs, the smiles, i'd kill for them.
This is my life's purpose. I've found my life's purpose. I was created to be Mummy. Their mother, MA, Mom, mommy-MAMA.
Love my kids
Village Girl
(Mother, Friend, Neighbor)

Sunday morning

I'll tell you what Sunday morning wasn't when I was but a little girl.

It wasn't a work day. Nah, we didn't have to do anything save for bathe, eat, sleep, eat again and sleep. Sometimes, even playing was a no go.

We used to go to church sometimes. Rare as they were, church going Sundays were my favorite day of the week. Not because I loved God that much (I do now) but because I got to show off my memory antics. And I could read better than those snob looking so called smartly dressed kids. It was my time to shine. I didn't have shoes on my feet I wore the same blue and white dress each time but I could read the Bible in whichever language it was presented. And I could memorize entire psalms.

Then I had to go and just grow up. For some reason I'll never understand, my cute blue dress didn't fit no more. I was not a cute Psalm spitting 7 year old anymore, and I had to be carted off to a boarding school somewhere. That was the end of my fantasy life. My tree climbing, prank pulling marvelously awesome days were gone. Just like that. And i didnt like it.

Now i got shoes, and i hated these shoes, so i burnt them, threw them away but theu kept coming!! I tried to fail the tests, but somehow i aced them. I didnt want to but i did.
Then I learnt other ways of getting back at these never ending changes. Let's just say, I had fun playing tricks on pupils, teachers and matrons alike.
But when Mummy passed on, now I had to grow up. really grow up. I'd never met my father- and i didnt want to. I wss 10 years old, and I had to grow up.
This time I could not resist.

I had to grow. I had three sisters and a grandmother. Though I hardly understood why people were crying-

Let's say, I didnt understand this whole death thing...

So I grew up, Lost a few more loved ones, and became a parent.

And Sunday turned into taking care of others, making sure they have breakfast, and have their shining church moments.

Am still a parent and now, Sunday morning is a regular working day.

Gotta wake up early. Gotta look at all the sad pictures at the Newstand.

and oh boy! 

sometimes, it sucks being an adult.

Sometimes I miss sleeping in (Pre-parenting days)

Other times, I dont even remember what it was like before Parenting kicked in.

Today, am a happy parent.

Thank you for reading my post!!

New Heights

Been listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1OTWCd40bc

This one line keeps me hitting replay ; "Am on the Shit that you can smell baby- so put down your perfume"

This is the last night of normal, of certainty. A new chapter begins tomorrow. 

In the silence of this night the realization stings....Drat!! This had to happen now. 

Its been normal happening for me to think about this one person.

Remind myself all the hurtful things that went down

Hurt myself over and over again.

Pain and hurt has been normal.

This night, I've been trying so hard to remember when I last thought about him and I can't.

am trying to hurt at the fact that he got engaged to his new girlfriend, and I can't!

My friends and relatives think am covering up, but inside my heart, there is a joy.

A joy that I can't really define. 

could it be that "Peace that knows no understanding" has finally found its way to my soul?

Could it be that I finally got over him.

Hahahahaa, well, I remember a post i wrote about him breaking my heart. Oh, how I cried.

I prayed and fasted and prayed.

all this time God had some thing else planned for me.

A peace that knows no understanding.

A peace that knows no understanding

alright, enough rambling.

this night, tonight, I certify myself ready to move on to the next stage.

My thoughts are populated by variations of one person.

conversations we will have, Conversations we have had

Plans we've made.

Oh, how I long for that.

Am on the shit that you can smell baby, am on a roll- am high on you.

this new you. this new person. and wait, you didnt replace anyone, there was no one.

Knowing you has taught me so much about myself.

I am hitting new heights, heights i never dreamt of. Things I'd only imagined before

have become second nature to me. I do all so freely and easily.

I am a woman in love. 

And I can do all.

Thank you for helping me free my spirit.

Shukran.

Yours in appreciation,

Precious.

I've been thinking about you.

Hey Scrumptious,

So, I've been thinking alot about you. Yes you.

I know I said my goodbyes and all. I promised myself, promised my friends it was over.
But then again, this is me. I can lie to the rest of the world, but I can't lie to my heart.

I can't lie to you. I miss you in a way I didn't know was even possible. 
The guy who penned the lines "Never knew lonely could tear your heart in two"
could have must have known I'd at some point feel that way.

How I wish I could hear your voice, just one last time. 
I wish I could feel your breath at the back of my neck just one last time.
Just once. Let me love you, just one more time.

I wonder, if you i've been thinking about you
And I wonder, if he knows I can feel him
And I wonder, in my dreams when am ...oh boy!!

I sit outside at night after the whole world has gone to sleep 
and I look at the stars shining brightly up there.
A thought-the same thought always crosses my mind
Is he seeing these stars?
Do you find time to sit out and star gaze?

Have you moved on already? I wish on those stars many a night,
I whisper to them to shine brightly in your paths.
I pray that when you close your eyes, your dreams and hopes come bright.
I wish on those stars every night.
I spell your name across the skies every evening.

Late in the night, if my phone rings, I hope its you calling.
I check every text message that comes in anticipating, hoping its from you.

I still miss you Scrumptious. 
I will never see you, or speak with you again- that I feel in my bones.
But I will cherish the memory of you.
I will hold memoires of our short lived times so dear, nothing will ever replace them.

You set the bar so high, i doubt anyone will be able to go higher than that.

I pray you are well.

Cheers.

Precious. 

April 20, 2013: Saturday Night Lights

Outside my window: Beautiful. Its raining and the sun is shining!! :) all at the same time. Wow.. God is great!!  Wish I had a good camera.. awwwwwwwww, very nice.
I am thinking: He's the lighting am thunder... yeah ok, been listening to Kelly Rowland's 'Train on a track' and I just can't stop it playing over and over again in my little brain.This brain of mine with a very low retention whatever. Anyways, am thinking about thinking.
In the Kitchen: yeah, lots of things. I hear am on cook duty tomorrow. Ouch!!! A promise I'll have to break. Gotta go to work. Yes Sir, am back to working Sundays.. Hmm! my Sunday breakfast with the lovelies have come to an end. :(

I am Thankful: for the Rain. For this week that is coming to a close. Yes, for my friends. and oh yeah .. hahahaha.. Aunt Flow!!! YAY- Don't ask. :-)

I am creating: Routines. Workable routines.

I am going: to work tomorrow.

I am hoping: She didn't take my charger with her. Would be terrible if we argued over her forgetting it at her aunt's place.

I am learning to count my blessings. Name them one by one.

A few plans for the rest of the weekend:
1. Menu plans for two weeks ahead. This weeks menu did me a lot of wonders!! I know, everyone talks about planning before and etc but boy, is it a life/time saver or what? Forever grateful.
2. Smile more.
3. GET OFF FACEBOOK at least for a week.

A peek into my day: My camera is dead-like i had one in the first place.

Until tomorrow..
Good day- Daybook

Dear Lord, its not about me-but them

Time check: 8:40 A.M
I feel like every nerve ending in my body is being crushed with every thing i say, do. Drat! Even washing my hands just hurt.
Heavenly Father, it's my day off from work. But then its not my day off from being Mummy and Caretaker.
I need to close my eyes, just a lil bit and I'll write more. just a bit, it hurts. couldn't make a minute before they swarmed in on me. even shutting my eyes hurts. Been waiting for this pain killer to take effect but looks like it just wont.
Alright, how is it that some people can actually spend time away from their kids and feel no remorse at all?
Seriously, how do people abandon children?
I got lots lined up today.
Grocery shopping, dusting and cleaning, laundry, and oh yeah its movie night!
Hmmm! Then there's diffusing fights and making sure the attacked and attacker both go away with their pride and smiles intact. All in a day's work.
There is also biting my lip so as not to comment about certain topics around the house-now that's been the hardest job todate but am slowly and surely mastering the art of not giving my opinion.
And believe me, its saving me lots of attitude from others.
Oh yeah, now I know am as much human as anyone out there.
And if my body gets sick like it has right now, its because i need to rest. So, imma wait for all this to subside, just because am sick doesn't mean i can't be mummy.
Hehehehehehe, I'll let them fight each other so that they learn how to sort things out on their issues, i'll not always be there to fix things.
its called letting go. For my own wellbeing, i have to learn to let go and Let God.
owkay, back to my sleep, and this time, am going to sleep.
"A PROBLEM SHARED, IS A PROBLEM HALF SOLVED" I just shared.
cheers
Village Girl
(Mother, Friend, Neighbor)

When it hurts so bad

Ouch! This hurts. Really hurts. Even washing my face hurts

Today is the Day- April 18, 2013

Outside my window...Its a sunny day. Not Hot though, just the right weather to keep happy. Much as am not sad, am not smiling either. Wasting the sun rays-that am doing.

I am thinking...About the week that has been. My son makes a new month tomorrow :-) The journey continues. Its a beautiful journey. Worth every thorn prick, stone cuts, heat flashes and sleepless nights. Its worth it.

I am thankful...For the week that is ending. For my friends, family, workmates (yeah, they got me drunk on Monday, but owkay) am still thankful that they always have my back. I acknowledge that am not the best person to have in any corner but they smile at me/with me every morning.

In the kitchen...Officially out. Menu planning on this afternoon for next week. Tomorrow i hit the grocery stores and market and everything. time for re-fill. 

I am wearing...My Hijab. Complete with new shoes!!

I am creating...bedspreads for the girls. Alright, started with just one.

I am going...Movie tomorrow night. Just me and myself. Who knows, I could find another alone movie goer and we would be together.. :)

I am wondering...If i hadn't written that post, what would have happened. also, this flu thing... arrrrrrrrrrrrrgh-not wondering anymore, am I?

I am reading...Done with the Jeffery Archer. Would have loved to pick up a new book, but instead am heading to the movies. Funny, movie costs the same as a new book. I'll do movie

I am hoping...The rains keep away until next week.  Today is the day I fall in love. ;) not that its what am working towards that particular goal. does not hurt though.

I am looking forward to...Cake!

I am learning... A friend is a rare gem. And there are quite a few.. hell, a lot of duplicates- fake ones out there. shame, by the time you distinguish the real thing from the fake, its usually when you are hurting so bad.

Around the house...Its the weekend baby!!! Cleaning, dusting.

I am pondering...Time for a new investment project. Now, gardening(commercial) as opposed to poultry. Hmmm!

A favorite quote for today..."One step at a time....' (not sure how it ends.. but am taking it one step)

One of my favorite things...my crochet projects

A few plans for the rest of the week: Menu planning, Expense manager fill up-(accounting sucks- but gotta do it- otherwise i'll be doomed)

A peek into my day...

Was young once- loved the braids.

Check this one out too: 

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Morning After!! I made it. Day 5

Outside my Window: Bright sunlight. Too bright-- no more dinners on a monday night especially with such a rowdy group. Ok. scratch that. No more drink ups after the Dinner. Next time, just eat food and head home- these coffee things, i hear just one wine glass...

Am thankful for this day today. Its been a great day. Couldn't focus much but achieved quite some.
Surprised myself too.

All the Rest-God is great.

Quote: “A man is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” 

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Day 4- Small steps

Outside my window...am writing from a friend's apartment. Crazy traffic outside her window. Wonder how she gets any shut eye in an environment like this. 

I am Listening to Reggae music, only genre that makes me forget anything- even a heartache.!! Throw in some Weeknd explicit tunes and am smiling more. I know u love that smile... I do too.

I am thankful...This traffic makes me thankful for laid back environment at home. Yeah, so out of the city and all, traffic jams are killer but the peace when i get home is worth it.

In the kitchen..... huh!!! That's a hard one- was terrified of looking at the empty shelves. Aunt said she'd do the refilling-

I am wearing...actually smartly corporately dressed. Thanks to that meeting that was cancelled. 

I am creating...new company policies

I am going... for office dinner tonyt- hmmm! in my suit!!! yay.. This chic should find me a dress- can't get home at 11pm still looking like this. these impromptu things-

I am wondering...Why the un announced office dinner?

I am reading...Still on my Jeffery Archer. didnt get time to read a page yesterday

I am hoping...I find my babies awake tonyt

I am looking forward to...Tomorrow morning

I am learning.... When someone says they are behind you all the way, dont believe it until they get infront of you. They could be holding a knife

A favorite quote for today..."We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are."

A few plans for the rest of the week: Nursing a heartbreak has me messed up.

A peek into my day...

Will skip this one. scared of having my sadness exposed... oops!

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Day 3- April 14

Sunday Evening: Third entry of my Day Book.

 

 

April 14, 2013
Outside my window: the Clouds are gathering. Looks like we'll have some rain tonight. Its been a lovely SUN day though. Totally enjoyed it, though I missed church.

Am Thinking: Maybe I should just close this whole crushing project down. For a number of months now, I've not been able to think about any other man but this one guy. Crazy huh? He's miles away and I have a crush on him bigger than anything i've ever experienced before. Last night and the whole of today got me thinking- and asking meself: is it real? am i giving it more attention than i should?

I am Thankful: That I have Sundays off. Working on Sunday was not a bad thing, but the smiles on my babies' faces at breakfast were...worth killing for. We missed church but we had fun and lots of love shared.

In the Kitchen: Save for a pitcher of juice and milk... am out of supplies. yeah.. I know, right.

I am wearing: a jean wrapper dress that makes me happy.

I am creating: Memories for the little ones. AM sure they'll treasure these.

Iam Going: to work tomorrow. Its monday, 3 a.m!! Gotta pay the bills!

I am Wondering: Should I be moving? If so, how do i present it? am i selfish? Single motherhood does not mean that i dont get to go to the movies? Alright, am still wondering, have my wings grown too wide.

I am hoping: May will be the month i go solo yet again. Been at my aunt's for almost 3 years now!! Time should be up. AM grateful. I hope i find a way of saying it without sounding mean or whatever.

I am looking forward to: Monday lunch. Its gonna be a blast. of that am sure.

I am learning: Parenting is an instinct. Not every one can be a Mom or Dad. Its special.

Around the House: hmmmm, Fresh air. Fresh flowers.

Favorite Quote for today: Peace that surpasses all understanding be with you.... (That will be my hope for the week. To find that peace)

One of my favorite things: Sunday movie with the whole crew.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Master my daily routines. Need a more organized house when i finally go back to running my own house.

A peek into my world:

Blogging with the girls.

Day 2: April 13, 2013- Not an easy one

Outside my window... Children playing in the sand- Its a weekend. No school.. yay.. lots of beautiful sounds- Children laughing. Nostalgia that comes with these days... ;(

I am thinking.... about letting go. sliding into comfortable old lifestyle. Thinking of waking up from the dream. Its been a long one this one. 

I am thankful... Last night, I slept well. Very well.

In the kitchen.... Saturday... Junk food

I am wearing...this little dress that my government is seeking to ban. I love me small clothes. Show off leg!

I am creating.... a shawl. feels good to have something to do with my hands other than watching the phone waiting for a text or a call.

I am going...House party... yay!!! guilt trips- will check in tomorrow.

I am wondering... actually am not wondering anymore- i know for real. 

I am reading...yes....between yesterday and today- I opened a book. Jeffery Archer- Shall we tell the President!

I am hoping.... Micah gets his locomotion in order

I am looking forward to.... sunday morning

I am learning..... Not all that glitters is gold. Also counting in Arabic.. Wahid, Ithnein, Thalatha... :-)
Around the house.... new flower garden started today

I am pondering..... what does tht word mean again

A favorite quote for today..... John 3:16: "for God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son..."

One of my favorite things...My new flower and vegetable garden

A few plans for the rest of the week: Its the weekend for me... Maybe I shouldn't think about this.

A peek into my day...

Blank...

Sunset does not mean it is the end of a day.....

....... it does mean the beginning of a brand new day.

I used to be scared of the night. Darkness terrified me.
I hated going home in the evenings.
Evening generally brought about a sadness that I couldn't shake.
Going home after school, even after work meant prison.
Sunset meant prison for me.
Home was a prison

That was then....

Now...
I've learnt or still learning that the end of something does not necessarily signify the end of my happiness.
When something ends, I have another chance to find something better, or try out something totally different.

I have learnt to embrace change. I have learnt to love the dark.
I have learnt to love me.

I look forward to evenings at home, I hardly remember what it was like out there.
True it must have been fun, it was fun otherwise i couldn't have stayed out long but evenings at home
are the best part of my day.

Just the other day, a friend called me during work hours and she called me again after hours-
And she went like, you sound happier at home than you did during the day.

That's when it dawned on me that I'd actually matured enough not to complain but rather enjoy every little moment i spend with my family.
Yeah, i get home, make dinner, bathe the kids and basically give the househelp hours off. Much needed hours off. I dont seem to mind the fact that the house is a mess when i get home, My other housemates mind.
I've been prodded to do something about this 'lazy househelp'
I see nothing wrong with making a meal for my people.
Or cleaning up,
Or bathing the children
Ironing
Seriously, my home time is the best time of the day.

Now, I have one prayer. I need to save up enough to get my own private space.
Its about time I got my place. 2 years at my aunt's place seem to be enough already.
I've had enough healing time.

The Sun set.
A new day is here. I gotta let it start with all its possibilities.
A new love, new life.

New beginnings, here I come.

simply
Mauryn

Day 1- April 12, 2013

Outside my window... Sun is finally shining. :-)

I am thinking...Not clear thought that I can put on paper. Everything is just mambo jumbo

I am thankful...I woke up today. My family has food on their plates and every one is warm, well and healthy

In the kitchen...Staple Rice, lots of fruit- (glad there is fruit)- need to pick up some yogurt

I am wearing...Jeans and my favorite silver grey blouse. (that one my sister gave me for Christmas 2012)

I am creating...New memories

I am going...came to work this morning, and am going home after this.

I am wondering...am i one of many? 

I am reading...Haven't opened a book yet. Keep meaning to

I am hoping...Next week will be a better week

I am looking forward to...Making dinner tonight. Hope i can surprise myself yet again

I am learning..... Love is as simple as simple is. Being loved back is the best feeling in the world

Around the house...Nothing much to show

I am pondering...

A favorite quote for today.. If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?

One of my favorite things...My phone

A few plans for the rest of the week: Friday Night, Catch up on the remaining episodes of NCIS season 10,
Saturday, iron, clear hotspots, sort through clothes for donations (am sure i'll find some more to give out.) Sunday- big day- go to church. Been waiting for quite a while.- aaaah am on cook duty too.

A peek into my day...

Check out http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/ for more Daybooks.

Teeth

yes, we have two new teeth. Two little pearly items gracing the previously bare pink gum.
Pretty lovely sight.

Years ago, I used to tell myself that I would be happy in the future.
Kept tellling myself that the best was yet to come.

That tomorrow would be the best day of my life.
Little did i know that i kept pushing my happiness to the next day
yet Tomorrow was already here.
I kept disregarding my self.

But you, Little Child, Micah Adam have taught me that my happy ending is now.
My Happily ever after is here already.

I have a boy child and my prayers have been answered.
He's handsome to boot, has a smile for everyone.

Even hold conversations.. oh yeah, i can hear your ooohs and aaahs even when am stuck in the mother of all
traffic jams.
Having you makes even the dentist's chair bearable.

Thank you Son. Thank you for reminding me that my future is now. My future is here.
Thank you for teaching me love.
Thank you for giving me love that I never thought existed.

This feeling I have every evening when I come home is unlike any other.
The Feeling that feels my whole being when I look at you with your sisters is unlike something I've ever experienced before.

You my little ones are my redemption.

Now, let's go buy you a real toothbrush.
Yes sir, you are getting yourself a Toothbrush...

Loving this. Gotta love this.