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Nobody’s memory is perfect or complete. We jumble things up, loose track of time. Here in one place then another and it all feels like one long, inescapable moment. I know that because every time I have something to write about- I end up writing about five different things and confuse not only myself but almost everyone within a five mile reading radius. 
It is never my intention however to tell seven different stories within one- I am not generous by design just by circumstance (at least I'd like to think so about myself).

It has been a year of things going wrong- feels like the gods chose this year to be the one year I achieve so much then lose almost all of it within the same year. What I did wrong, I can't exactly tell. But I keep telling myself, I could be paying for all the sins that have been put against my name from the day I got here. Hold that thought, aren't those sins supposed to have been cleared the moment I went on my knees to say, "Dear Lord, forgive me for all my trespasses....." 
Well, if my sins were forgiven and cleared, then I do not know what to chalk my losses up to. 

But, losses and all, the year still is coming to an end and I am not sure if I am ready for the whole start over thing. The resolution making, swearing and promising- then less than a month later, fall back to the familiar pattern. Go back to that abusive friend, forget to say bedtime prayers, drop the morning exercise routine, fall back into un-healthy eating and on the list goes. 

In short, I hate the hullabaloo that comes with new year, new month, new job, new things... apart from the excitement of new baby. Thinking new babies, (insert short prayer for all laboring mothers) I believe I have found a cure for my baby crave. I pray and hope it will work. (no, I didn't pray but it feels like the right thing to say). As soon as I can sit up long enough to finish this other plan- I believe I will well be on my way to baby crave cure. 

Cheers to baby crave cure.

Memory Dump!

New month is upon us, I believe all time zones should have congregated to the new month of September by now. Well, if anybody hasn't yet, they soon will. It's Day two already!

This morning, I woke up with a determination to do something different. Leave my bed without the alarm going off twice, get to work on time, and everything else that I failed to do last month.
Well, I tried my best. I got to work five minutes before the official clock-in.... #Drums

So, it is a new month, huh? New things should be coming in leaps, right? Right. aah! Did I hear a "Happy new month?" Nah, not yet. But I did hear about a break up. Yes!! A couple did break up this morning. But then again, who does that? Who breaks up at the start of a month? Especially since School is just starting and the weather is so wrong for a single lifer. How will the bills get paid? Who really does break up with their lover just like that? With a reason as fickle as she forgot to wish his Mother a Happy Birthday!!!  Arrrrgh!!!

Well, if you've managed to stay with me this far, you'll notice that my system seems to be crushing. My Tech Friends have a phrase "Memory Dump"

Memory dump primarily identifies a problem or error within the operating system or any installed application within the system. Typically, memory dump provides information about the last state of the programs, applications and system before they were terminated or crashed. This information consists of memory locations, program counters, program state and other related details. It is displayed on-screen and also creates a system log file for viewing/referencing later. After memory dump, the computer is generally unavailable or inaccessible until it’s rebooted. Memory dump can also be caused by memory leak, when the system is out of memory and can no longer continue its operations.

 Sad to day but I am kind of experiencing a dump. No, no no. Not that other one, but the one similar to the above excerpt. The month of August came and went without a single post from me not that my fingers were gone but my mind was unavailable. It had been dumped.

But a few things happened. A few nice things that make me smile when I think about them.
Month started out quite well, I have a ten day holiday!!! and oh, that was the start of my stagnation.

Just as I was planning an all crazy night out (think drinking binge) catastrophe came hurtling. But with the bad news came a great trip to nowhere.

Drove to a land far away. A very beautiful land I may add.

Still within the same August, schools chose to close and that meant longer hours playing everything a mother can be under the sun.

August still, came with a realization that i was as human as the next person or as the last person who was buried a few minutes ago. I am here just for a while and very soon, I will also be gone. Written off. And I will have R.I.P as the an addition to my name.

August, Oh August... family trials not withstanding, it came to an end.

so many months have come and go but August is one month I will not miss. I do not think I will for a moment sit back and say.. "Oh, that was a good month" . No, August 2014, was a wrong month.

If I could, I would have slept my way through it. I Would have hit the fast forward button all the way to September 19, 2014- When my son turns two, sleep again and wake up at Christmas.

Christmas. I love Christmas, and when am done dumping my mind all over this post, I will go back and dream about Christmas.

But for now, I will go back to making calls to my Middle East Clients... maybe just maybe, I'll be on an airbus to one Middle East Destination soon.