....I Have this need to tell you

...Took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun. But I ran out of places and friendly faces because i had to be free...

Charlene's  Never Been to Me seems to have refused to leave my head. Keeps playing morning, noon, night and early morning. I would like to say I don't know why it keeps playing, replaying and re-replaying but I think.. now I know why.

Hi there, it's been a while since I last came here all rants and others. Not that I've been to much good but quite a few things have happened. Between trying to take Wena off the ground to actually walking her-I got myself into some mischief.

Before you scroll down looking for the paragraph where I talk about my drinking binges, late nights out, emotional spills even some very shameful drunken acts, please read this next line...

Mauryn learnt how to keep quiet.

Yes, that all elusive Virtue called Submission finally found me. Hit me so hard, I had to submit to it... Boy oh boy!!! Not one of the easiest things to do or subscribe to but, I am enjoying my submissive moments. 

Wait a minute, does ignoring annoying remarks by even more annoying people qualify to be called Submission? Well, I'd like to think so. 

These days, I actually shut up, listen and accept everything I am told. Who knew? Who knew that I would spend 45 days without even thinking anything alcoholic (4 days shy of 45- but considering my current situation, doubt alcohol will be accessible)

Now that I've gone and all bragged about my new found ability not to verbally re-butt, let's share some of these million lies I've been living.

Listening to Charlene (did i say it's on repeat?) She talks about : How she has been undressed by kings and seen some things that a woman aint supposed to see...and I relate. 

I've lived in fantasy land for so long I many a time envisage myself as the girl who gets picked up by a hot dude and get driven to some fancy named restaurant, waited on by 5 people and at the end of the evening, My Dude takes me to the movies-where some romantic story is showing and after drives me home.

Home is a nicely done apartment with lights and a music system that senses and responds to my moods. Dude kisses me, opens my apartment door, kisses me again and bids me goodnight. 

Soon as the door closes behind Dude, Whitney Houston's I will always love you comes on as I throw my shawl and drop everything. Walk into my bathroom, and come out to the phone ringing, -It's my Dude calling me to tell me he has failed to get out of my drive way. He's been sitting in his car unable to forget my dazzling smile and the eloquent conversation we had over dinner. Or he just can't forget how great a kisser I am...

(some mushy mushy song comes on)

I ask him to come back up... John Legend's All of Me comes on as I open the door for him..........................

"Mummy!!! Micah has bite me!!!" Wakes me up from my dream!!! Well, Truth be told, I am a mother of many who keep fighting, biting, pinching, breaking bowls and flasks- not to forget my unopened wine bottle (which meanwhile was my gateway to my fantasy land)... Now that is reality.

Gotta go attend to someone before the ka Decoder is shredded!! someone wants JimJam and another wants something else!!!

Hey, you know what paradise is?

It's a lie, a fantasy we create about

People and places as we'd like them to be

But you know what truth is?

It's that little baby you're holding

It's that man you fought with this morning

The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love

Until the next dream....

......................................

Village Girl, Mo

PS: It would not hurt if you actually visited  Wena 

Micah the Chief Tyrant taking my Picture

Tantrum Tuesday

As a girl, I believe its my naturally given right to throw a coupla tantrums here and there. I've heard it told that I could throw one every half a minute and the world would still go round. Yeah, I know, its some sort of time wastage throwing tantrums when the world aint gonna stop to watch and react.

Oh, all the same, I have chosen today to be the day I throw my tantrum for this month. (see? I've toned them down to one a month! Progress).

(I see myself sitting on the bathroom floor moving my feet and arms in opposite directions- wailing- ok not wailing but i will look like this- i guess)

 I need a reason for throwing my tantrum!! Shucks! Oh yeah, So, March is here. For Christ's sake its the fourth day of March!!! THE FOURTH.. and am still making resolutions for next month (read March)!!

what kind of person am I? I mean, how come calendar month end comes faster than paycheck month ends?
Why can't the two be in sync?

Also, this rain? I planted my Collards.. the seedlings have come out of the ground and with them a whole mess of Amaranthus (Dodo!) Sagala Dodo... I didn't plant Dodo. When I was buying the seeds, I envisioned Ugali, Beef and Sukuma... in fact on lean days.. Ugali Sukuma and Avocado...
someone help me with a handkerchief. My saliva glands (or whatever) are in over drive. So, facing reality right now is not top priority. Weeding my Collards bed was not part of my dreams.

Maybe I should let them grown together... Let the Plant and the Weed grow together... The Bible says something to that effect. Or so I think.

Oh!!! Been feeling very mischievous lately. Very so. I have my eyes on a one person. And they make matters worse by making themselves available... Every Supermarket I walk into there is this shelf of wines and spirits just next to the toiletries... For crying out loud- am a mother who will always be in need of at-least a toilet item every few days. Diapers, Lotions A, B, C... (somedays I forget my stuff in the kids' reach and they find better use for it) So I gotta replace after every careless morning.

And the Wine is sitting there. Begging me to pick it up. Yesterday, I almost picked up a bottle of Tequilla. What saved me was the price tag! See, sometimes its a blessing to be broke. Keeps one out of harm's way.

Yes... I have called Alcohol a person. Because it is alive and daring me. Am not an alcoholic. In fact, I've had spurts of tea-totaling that went up to until almost 5 years at a go. And now I can't stop myself.

Ok... now!!!! When that paycheck comes.. I better have a manager in place.

Imma seek someone to touch the physical money for me. (avoiding impulsive shopping).. #proudofmyself

Ok... I think I stopped ranting many paragraphs ago and the fact that I can't stop 'ok'-ing means i should publish and go back to work.

Need to have some impulsive shopping extra dime..

Bye
Mauryn