What if? Reminiscing.....

What if a woman?..... I will find the song title, artist and writer's name later on.

Dearly Departed,

You are missed. If I said I missed you every minute, I would be lying. But right now, I miss you.
Especially now. This was our time. And I miss you much more than I have before. We would be exchanging text messages right now.

Sunday Evening into Monday morning was our time. Monday Mid morning into Monday evening and all the way into Sunday Evening. All the time. It was our time.
We laughed, joked, shared meeting minutes, corrected each other's emails.

Suggested an accessory to an outfit for a board meeting. Celebrated office successes.....

I miss our time.

Until the day we put an end to our mysterious relationship and decided to meet.
That marked the end of the random notification 2 minutes after the previous one. Notifying of a poke, message or 'selfie' sent through.
After that dreadful Wednesday night, I had to carefully count the hours before I sent you a 'how are you doing?' (didn't want to appear to clingy/Needy)... many of them went un-replied. The few replied ones had a one word reply.

Last night, I deleted all the messages and pictures we shared. But I couldn't for the love of me, delete them from my mind. Oh, the sound of your voice- I listened to every phone conversation we ever had..until I could repeat each-word for word, chuckle for chuckle.
I deleted those too, but I can still recall them with absolute clarity.

I have come to the conclusion that you are gone. With so many 'What if's' playing around in my head and heart... I now pronounce you.....

Dearly Departed. 

Here is a quick one to send you off:

Dearly Departed e-Crush,

With utmost sincerity, I hope you are doing well. 

I failed to keep you in my area but then again, you were never mine to keep.

However much I would have loved for you to stay, and however sorry I was that you left, 

I am actually glad you went away.

See, I had become a different person, someone even I didn't recognize anymore.

With your departure however, I have become a more appreciated person. My Utility bills are much lower now, since all the electronics are not on constant charge. I laugh more heartily, and I am slowly but surely getting over you.

Wish you find peace up there in the clouds.

Faithfully,

Me.

..............
I believe I have exorcised all my ghosts regarding this one.

NOTE: Many a time, we get attached to things, people, habits that are very hard to break or let go of. We may or may not notice that these things are eating into our daily lives, affecting our most important relationships and killing us slowly.

I once attempted to get over a  Habit and a few of those steps actually worked. It takes work though and support from friends, family and enemies.

Sports' days, Nail cutters and disappointments.

So I found me a quiet moment. Not so quiet as in super silent moment because I was seated under a tent that had for or maybe more speakers blaring really really loud music, Children and parents were screaming their heads off for one reason or another.

But I found a quiet moment. This meant that Baby Class was done performing or competing or whatever it was that we'd gone to witness. Listen, it was not the first School Sports event I'd been to but it was the FIRST sports event that really had me in knots in all places wrong and weak.

Miracle Destiny School end of Term Sports' gala. Date was April 12, 2014, from 9:00 hrs to 14:00 hrs.

My Own Altairah was on the very first act. Oh well, I disregarded the Scouts' do. My Taira came first- task was to move 6 cards from a plate to a basin that was roughly 10 feet away. She emptied her plate before the others. Couldn't have been prouder of her.

My Blue Team Warrior

For a moment, I wished her father was present. If only to see how grown she is. How coordinated and focused she's become. And how much she has so grown. I watched my little one shine for me. Think my neighbors didn't like me much because i was a little louder than the speakers. And I couldn't stop the tears either.

Single parenting is hardest at times like this. At school events- worse than it has ever been since i started out.

Well, it was not all mixed emotions...... there was more. Much more.

Event was slated to start at 9:00 hrs but we started around 10:30 hrs. Getting ready was fun. Couldn't locate my comb! The girl was ready and I couldn't find my comb. The fact that she wanted to get out of the house as fast as she could didn't help matters.
Then My friend wange-Jems called. Jems, you saved my morning. Kinda brought back some calm to the picture. Thank you for calling.

At the Sports' ground, i found myself helping the teachers. I couldn't sit still, because I was nervous. Un-answered calls do that to me. So, i needed to get rid of that extra energy. Helping the teachers out brought more than relief. We found a new use for a nail cutter.

I mean who would have thought, that a nail cutter would be used to cut strings and others... Banners needed to be put up but there was no cutter on site. And Mama Taira had a nail cutter in her bag!!!!

All in all, it was a great day. Great great day.
We all learnt something.

Apart from re-accepting that am doing this parenting thing alone, I also learnt that I can't run. Tried out the 100 meters' race and now, am paying. Losing the race was not enough.. my whole body aches. Super aches.

And am accepting massage offers.