Not Made for Comfort-Typical Wena style

So, here I was blushing and feeling all great and nice because he told me "You were made for comfort,"
Its not wrong. He was not wrong. That is what I am to him. His comfort.

Been called a  'Guardian angel' (aaaaawwwwww.. cute right?) :) :D
) Yes, am all that above and more.
Problem is, all the above does not change the fact that much as I love giving, am seeking a giver.

Just the other day, it hit me after the lights had gone out. And I was in my bed alone, cold and sad. And Alone.
That night, none of my charity runs made sense... all the smiles I'd helped put on so many people's faces earlier that day, and etc. None of them could hold me and tell me all was going to be OK.

None of them was telling me that My Son was just teething and the stomach irritation would pass soon.
I needed someone to address my House Searching issue. That statement "You were made for comfort" did nothing to help. Instead it made think about why I was only remembered when Comfort was needed.

.... (April 27, 2014)


 Months later, (July 8, 2014) on a sleepless 3 a.m stretch I find myself attempting to complete this draft. Why am I wake at this time? Well, because my Tummy is complaining about feeding it roadside chicken. Yes I did. This love for being different will send me places unimaginable. Earlier on (or was it yesterday evening?) my colleague/walk-mate decided to "house us" roadside chicken. It had been a long day and it felt nice trying out the chicken as opposed to the usual popcorn and sumbusa. No, I didn't consume the contents until I got home and had washed my hands.
 Now, its past 3 a.m and my stomach is not very happy with me. I am so sorry stomach...please go back to sleep.
 I am not made for comfort.

 Why on earth would someone think of another like they think.of say their bed (i'd love to assume beds are the most comfortable places in our homes)? But why? Someone please help me understand why the very deliverer of that statement never stayed longer than forever. Did something about my comfort giving trait change? In fact they didn't stay round long enough for me to understand why they thought I was made for comfort. And now, I will never know.
 Another thing that made me scratch at my weave yesterday was the need for someone to hate (strong word, right?) Someone to hate another without really knowing who they are. Reason for the hate, they belonged to a particular community. Stereotyping (not sure what this word really means but it sounds right) is not fair.

Just not fair. So I am a woman...and you, dear gentleman- the current object of my desire- decide to treat me with caution just because my predecessor broke your heart or took off with your earthly possessions. Dude! The only thing I.have in common with her is we have the same physical anatomy and even that may not be true...I.could be your real comfort, your ticket to forever but then again,.you will never know that since i will not sit around and try to convince you that all women are not the same. No sir. The world needs my uniqueness- so imma bounce.
I am not apologetic for my existence. If you had met me 8 years ago...then I would have been. However, a few things changed and now I love the me that I am.

And before i attempt one more hour of sleep, I have this need to send a simple shout out to a coupla acquaintances.

 Dear You,
It is a bit hard to conquer/subdue a loud spirit. She says yes to you but does not really want to say yes. She would want to say no almost all the time. See, this girl likes you but you like very many other girls. Is it hard for you to say you like her too? Do you ever notice how green eyed she gets when you are flirting with her best friend? Do you even care? She is not as strong as that other girl you sometimes hang out with...and all she wants you to do is acknowledge her as your woman. I mean, you have your toothbrush and change of underwear at her house. Tell your friends about her already. If you won't, then stop wasting her heart. ...................................

 Now...you Young girl who is not so young. It is just wrong to be a hypocrite. Stop with the hypocrisy already. See, I see through your act and either i am a bigger hypocrite than you are or I simply don't care much about your things. However, kindly note that these cat and mouse games hurt you more than they do me. I am not made for comfort.

 Good morning,
Village Girl (Wena).

..of month ends, trips, music and rants (Part 1)

Time Check? Way past official working hours.

The office room is deserted, everyone has gone home save for me. One would think I don't have a home to go. When In fact I do have more than enough reason to leave this place and rush home. See, (if you do not know) I have many children who have very many stories but seem to limit their vocabulary to just "Mummy?" when I am in the same building with them.

Someone calls out "Mummy?" and calls again and again. No matter how sweetly, rudely or whatever-ly you respond, they just keep calling. Don't get me wrong, I love being called Mummy, even when am in the bath and have soap all over my body and someone is screaming for Mummy at the bathroom door. Or when I just took my place at the toilet seat............ (you get the picture, right?)

So, I am in the office- Alone. Save for a couple of young men blasting away through my phone headset. There is this Song that I used to love and I think I still do love. Been playing it on repeat for a while this afternoon.

Takes me back to September last year (2013). 

Let me take you to shortly before September, My Boss then decides she wanted me to join her in Dubai for 3 days! In my mind I was like,... "........" Yes. My thinking pad went blank for a minute. A whole sixty seconds. So, I told a few people around me and they got excited enough for me. Relatives got writing shopping lists, friends- well friends cheered me on. So, i started thinking- "Now, three days with my boss...eh!"

So, Yes was not mine to say. It had been decided. 

Missed my piece of cake

Travel Documents processed, suits borrowed, Hair redone- Dude!!! and I was pronounced ready to go to outside Countries and Make 'em proud! :)

It was a five day Journey which by the way saw me miss my Little Boy Cut his first Birthday Cake. 

Day 1: 

I left home in a commuter taxi (am not one to show off) was slated to have breakfast with a very good

Yes, that is a weave. (Facepalm)

friend then at 10 a.m  (Gundi Waddawa?- We should do a katogo for old times' sake one of these days).
Was in my everyday faded jeans and little tee-shirt. To me it was a normal thing- I mean like going to the next town or something. But when I got to town and rested my little travel bag at a friend's shop- she went up in arms as to how I was dressed as compared to where I was heading. (eyeroll? yessuh!)

She bought me a dress!!! and forced me to put it on there and then! So, by the time I met my friend, I had on this un-ironed dress but Friend is a nice person, they didnt mention the state of my dress- well not that day.

Katogo done away with- Time check? 11 a.m. Flight is scheduled for 3p.m. So, that leaves me 3 hours to get to Entebbe airport, check in and etc. I sit in a matatu and it starts raining!!! Time check, 11:45 a.m and we have not set off yet. Well, we did set off a little after 12p.m. By the time we got to Kitooro it was raining!!! Now, there was no airport taxi in sight!! I did a Boda to the Airport!!! YESSUH. BODA BODA with my suitcase!!! 

Got to the the airport a few minutes after 2p.m. Should have checked in by 2pm but i was getting there after 2pm. In my mind i was like.. "My boss is killing me, and imma refund all the money she's spent on me this far"

But Luck was on my side. Trust African Airlines to be late. Our flight was delayed by two hours!!! Yay!! Me. I did the forex things, checked in and sat back to listen to the mixtape my friend had given me. Back to Basics 5 Mixtape. Had on it the likes of Lil Vicious (remember that kid?)  and others. 5p.m and we were called to board. 

The Plane reminded me of those taxis that go to Nsambya Hospital!! Ayi!! If you've been to Nsambya hospital using a Taxi from the Old Taxi Park, you know what I am talking about. Those things can induce a woman whos labor contractions have stopped faster than any drug the mzungu has ever come up with.

Next stop: Jomo Kenyatta International Airport-NBO. Since we had delayed by 2 hours, the flight to DXB had also been pushed two hours ahead. Here, My laptop battery was flat. My phone battery died too, but not before I managed a few texts to Boss, Family and Friend (I think Friend missed out on the NBO txt)

Well, I had thoughts like, What if I never return? What if we crash? What if my luggage disappears? What if, What if and more what ifs?

Tomorrow, please board with me that Kenya Airways Plane. Fly with me for 4 hours and let's stop at the  Dubai International Airport Terminal 1. 

For now though, gotta get home to my little people. One was asking me the other day to get her a new Daddy! She is not too amused by the fact that for a while now, her own Daddy makes promises he never keeps. "Will pick you up for Ice cream on Friday" promises that have refused to mature. 

Oh! The month ended yesterday (duh!! It's July 1st) and payslips were presented. Had the misfortune of peeping at someone's payslip! How on earth does an employer deduct someone's salary just because they lost a very close relative? Whatever happened to leaves of Compassion? So, if an employee is still on probation, do they cease to be human? Are they excused from things like falling ill, losing a loved one, and all the rest? 

That rant against that other boss might take me another hour, because I am so unhappy right now, I wish I would change a few things about certain things. If I could, I would, but I can't. 

I can only rant!!

Tomorrow, we'll board that plane.

till then,

....I Have this need to tell you

...Took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun. But I ran out of places and friendly faces because i had to be free...

Charlene's  Never Been to Me seems to have refused to leave my head. Keeps playing morning, noon, night and early morning. I would like to say I don't know why it keeps playing, replaying and re-replaying but I think.. now I know why.

Hi there, it's been a while since I last came here all rants and others. Not that I've been to much good but quite a few things have happened. Between trying to take Wena off the ground to actually walking her-I got myself into some mischief.

Before you scroll down looking for the paragraph where I talk about my drinking binges, late nights out, emotional spills even some very shameful drunken acts, please read this next line...

Mauryn learnt how to keep quiet.

Yes, that all elusive Virtue called Submission finally found me. Hit me so hard, I had to submit to it... Boy oh boy!!! Not one of the easiest things to do or subscribe to but, I am enjoying my submissive moments. 

Wait a minute, does ignoring annoying remarks by even more annoying people qualify to be called Submission? Well, I'd like to think so. 

These days, I actually shut up, listen and accept everything I am told. Who knew? Who knew that I would spend 45 days without even thinking anything alcoholic (4 days shy of 45- but considering my current situation, doubt alcohol will be accessible)

Now that I've gone and all bragged about my new found ability not to verbally re-butt, let's share some of these million lies I've been living.

Listening to Charlene (did i say it's on repeat?) She talks about : How she has been undressed by kings and seen some things that a woman aint supposed to see...and I relate. 

I've lived in fantasy land for so long I many a time envisage myself as the girl who gets picked up by a hot dude and get driven to some fancy named restaurant, waited on by 5 people and at the end of the evening, My Dude takes me to the movies-where some romantic story is showing and after drives me home.

Home is a nicely done apartment with lights and a music system that senses and responds to my moods. Dude kisses me, opens my apartment door, kisses me again and bids me goodnight. 

Soon as the door closes behind Dude, Whitney Houston's I will always love you comes on as I throw my shawl and drop everything. Walk into my bathroom, and come out to the phone ringing, -It's my Dude calling me to tell me he has failed to get out of my drive way. He's been sitting in his car unable to forget my dazzling smile and the eloquent conversation we had over dinner. Or he just can't forget how great a kisser I am...

(some mushy mushy song comes on)

I ask him to come back up... John Legend's All of Me comes on as I open the door for him..........................

"Mummy!!! Micah has bite me!!!" Wakes me up from my dream!!! Well, Truth be told, I am a mother of many who keep fighting, biting, pinching, breaking bowls and flasks- not to forget my unopened wine bottle (which meanwhile was my gateway to my fantasy land)... Now that is reality.

Gotta go attend to someone before the ka Decoder is shredded!! someone wants JimJam and another wants something else!!!

Hey, you know what paradise is?

It's a lie, a fantasy we create about

People and places as we'd like them to be

But you know what truth is?

It's that little baby you're holding

It's that man you fought with this morning

The same one you're going to make love with tonight

That's truth, that's love

Until the next dream....

......................................

Village Girl, Mo

PS: It would not hurt if you actually visited  Wena 

Micah the Chief Tyrant taking my Picture