Now I know

Once when I was sixteen years of age, I landed on a cassette with Miriam Makeba's music. Didn't know what that album was but I sang along to 17 of the 18 songs on that cassette like my life depended on it. My Grand parents had no option but to love the music on it- Yes, they'd bought it on one of their trips to South Africa but had never really "felt" the music.

Years later, am sitting at my desk, listening to the same music and wishing I would feel sixteen again. The Album is called Folk Songs from Africa. Beautiful music, but the again when did she ever disappoint?

At sixteen, I honestly didn't what I wanted from Life. I lived for the day. Well, most times, I lived for the next book my Grandpa had found me or the next song that was trending on the airwaves.

I didn't know why girls in my class were so wound up about who was seen talking to "their boy". I didn't know why so much fuss was created about a baby being born to the family. I didn't know why my guardians were sometimes hard on us. Why they sometimes came home with long faces.... I didn't know.

Then one day am not sixteen anymore but eighteen and our small living room is filled with people. Strange faces, save for my Grandma's face. She answered my questioning expression with "He was her friend".

He was her friend.

That was the way I was told that my Grandpa had passed on to the next life. With him had gone all my naughtiness. That marked the end of my waking up to a new book and another song on the radio. Or a new recipe that wasn't really new but oh well, we tried cooking tomatoes before adding onions and oil. With my friend. So, I grew up and learned how to account for some of my mistakes -my way. But my friend left before he had taught me about heartbreaks, sleepless nights and boys.

I still don't know much about those three things but I know a bit about smiling. I know how to smile with my face and not my heart. I know about Friends who will stick with you no matter what they are going through.
I know about Friends who will go hungry on your behalf. I know about Friends who will uphold your honor at the expense of their own. I know about Friends who wish for others to smile with their hearts.

Oh, I've also learned a thing or two about forgiveness. I know that we don't forgive so that the person who wronged us feels better but that we feel better. To this day, hatred is something that I find hard to latch onto. Anger has a way of holding our productivity and peace ransom. A ransom that is so hefty it could cost one their life. So, I learned to let things go. Been called a fool for letting people walk all over my heart and life, letting people take me for granted but there is peace in letting things go. A peace that I can equate to the best sunrise you have ever seen. A peace that is calmer than that silence that comes after a terrible storm. Forgiving and letting go is for one's self good and not the other party. So I also learned how to forgive.

Just as I learned how to forgive, I also learned how to give. I give because am given. I also give because I give. Because I've been in need before, need that left me wondering if life was worth going through anymore. Not that am not in need anymore, am sure that person whose message box is full of "Mpayo omutwalo" (Give me ten thousand shillings) knows about my needs. But I've been in worse situations and when I was there, I received. So I give. Whenever I have, whenever I can. Whenever.

Alright, can't find a perfect sign off. am I supposed to sign off?

cheers.

..of month ends, trips, music and rants (Part 1)

Time Check? Way past official working hours.

The office room is deserted, everyone has gone home save for me. One would think I don't have a home to go. When In fact I do have more than enough reason to leave this place and rush home. See, (if you do not know) I have many children who have very many stories but seem to limit their vocabulary to just "Mummy?" when I am in the same building with them.

Someone calls out "Mummy?" and calls again and again. No matter how sweetly, rudely or whatever-ly you respond, they just keep calling. Don't get me wrong, I love being called Mummy, even when am in the bath and have soap all over my body and someone is screaming for Mummy at the bathroom door. Or when I just took my place at the toilet seat............ (you get the picture, right?)

So, I am in the office- Alone. Save for a couple of young men blasting away through my phone headset. There is this Song that I used to love and I think I still do love. Been playing it on repeat for a while this afternoon.

Takes me back to September last year (2013). 

Let me take you to shortly before September, My Boss then decides she wanted me to join her in Dubai for 3 days! In my mind I was like,... "........" Yes. My thinking pad went blank for a minute. A whole sixty seconds. So, I told a few people around me and they got excited enough for me. Relatives got writing shopping lists, friends- well friends cheered me on. So, i started thinking- "Now, three days with my boss...eh!"

So, Yes was not mine to say. It had been decided. 

Missed my piece of cake

Travel Documents processed, suits borrowed, Hair redone- Dude!!! and I was pronounced ready to go to outside Countries and Make 'em proud! :)

It was a five day Journey which by the way saw me miss my Little Boy Cut his first Birthday Cake. 

Day 1: 

I left home in a commuter taxi (am not one to show off) was slated to have breakfast with a very good

Yes, that is a weave. (Facepalm)

friend then at 10 a.m  (Gundi Waddawa?- We should do a katogo for old times' sake one of these days).
Was in my everyday faded jeans and little tee-shirt. To me it was a normal thing- I mean like going to the next town or something. But when I got to town and rested my little travel bag at a friend's shop- she went up in arms as to how I was dressed as compared to where I was heading. (eyeroll? yessuh!)

She bought me a dress!!! and forced me to put it on there and then! So, by the time I met my friend, I had on this un-ironed dress but Friend is a nice person, they didnt mention the state of my dress- well not that day.

Katogo done away with- Time check? 11 a.m. Flight is scheduled for 3p.m. So, that leaves me 3 hours to get to Entebbe airport, check in and etc. I sit in a matatu and it starts raining!!! Time check, 11:45 a.m and we have not set off yet. Well, we did set off a little after 12p.m. By the time we got to Kitooro it was raining!!! Now, there was no airport taxi in sight!! I did a Boda to the Airport!!! YESSUH. BODA BODA with my suitcase!!! 

Got to the the airport a few minutes after 2p.m. Should have checked in by 2pm but i was getting there after 2pm. In my mind i was like.. "My boss is killing me, and imma refund all the money she's spent on me this far"

But Luck was on my side. Trust African Airlines to be late. Our flight was delayed by two hours!!! Yay!! Me. I did the forex things, checked in and sat back to listen to the mixtape my friend had given me. Back to Basics 5 Mixtape. Had on it the likes of Lil Vicious (remember that kid?)  and others. 5p.m and we were called to board. 

The Plane reminded me of those taxis that go to Nsambya Hospital!! Ayi!! If you've been to Nsambya hospital using a Taxi from the Old Taxi Park, you know what I am talking about. Those things can induce a woman whos labor contractions have stopped faster than any drug the mzungu has ever come up with.

Next stop: Jomo Kenyatta International Airport-NBO. Since we had delayed by 2 hours, the flight to DXB had also been pushed two hours ahead. Here, My laptop battery was flat. My phone battery died too, but not before I managed a few texts to Boss, Family and Friend (I think Friend missed out on the NBO txt)

Well, I had thoughts like, What if I never return? What if we crash? What if my luggage disappears? What if, What if and more what ifs?

Tomorrow, please board with me that Kenya Airways Plane. Fly with me for 4 hours and let's stop at the  Dubai International Airport Terminal 1. 

For now though, gotta get home to my little people. One was asking me the other day to get her a new Daddy! She is not too amused by the fact that for a while now, her own Daddy makes promises he never keeps. "Will pick you up for Ice cream on Friday" promises that have refused to mature. 

Oh! The month ended yesterday (duh!! It's July 1st) and payslips were presented. Had the misfortune of peeping at someone's payslip! How on earth does an employer deduct someone's salary just because they lost a very close relative? Whatever happened to leaves of Compassion? So, if an employee is still on probation, do they cease to be human? Are they excused from things like falling ill, losing a loved one, and all the rest? 

That rant against that other boss might take me another hour, because I am so unhappy right now, I wish I would change a few things about certain things. If I could, I would, but I can't. 

I can only rant!!

Tomorrow, we'll board that plane.

till then,