Now I know

Once when I was sixteen years of age, I landed on a cassette with Miriam Makeba's music. Didn't know what that album was but I sang along to 17 of the 18 songs on that cassette like my life depended on it. My Grand parents had no option but to love the music on it- Yes, they'd bought it on one of their trips to South Africa but had never really "felt" the music.

Years later, am sitting at my desk, listening to the same music and wishing I would feel sixteen again. The Album is called Folk Songs from Africa. Beautiful music, but the again when did she ever disappoint?

At sixteen, I honestly didn't what I wanted from Life. I lived for the day. Well, most times, I lived for the next book my Grandpa had found me or the next song that was trending on the airwaves.

I didn't know why girls in my class were so wound up about who was seen talking to "their boy". I didn't know why so much fuss was created about a baby being born to the family. I didn't know why my guardians were sometimes hard on us. Why they sometimes came home with long faces.... I didn't know.

Then one day am not sixteen anymore but eighteen and our small living room is filled with people. Strange faces, save for my Grandma's face. She answered my questioning expression with "He was her friend".

He was her friend.

That was the way I was told that my Grandpa had passed on to the next life. With him had gone all my naughtiness. That marked the end of my waking up to a new book and another song on the radio. Or a new recipe that wasn't really new but oh well, we tried cooking tomatoes before adding onions and oil. With my friend. So, I grew up and learned how to account for some of my mistakes -my way. But my friend left before he had taught me about heartbreaks, sleepless nights and boys.

I still don't know much about those three things but I know a bit about smiling. I know how to smile with my face and not my heart. I know about Friends who will stick with you no matter what they are going through.
I know about Friends who will go hungry on your behalf. I know about Friends who will uphold your honor at the expense of their own. I know about Friends who wish for others to smile with their hearts.

Oh, I've also learned a thing or two about forgiveness. I know that we don't forgive so that the person who wronged us feels better but that we feel better. To this day, hatred is something that I find hard to latch onto. Anger has a way of holding our productivity and peace ransom. A ransom that is so hefty it could cost one their life. So, I learned to let things go. Been called a fool for letting people walk all over my heart and life, letting people take me for granted but there is peace in letting things go. A peace that I can equate to the best sunrise you have ever seen. A peace that is calmer than that silence that comes after a terrible storm. Forgiving and letting go is for one's self good and not the other party. So I also learned how to forgive.

Just as I learned how to forgive, I also learned how to give. I give because am given. I also give because I give. Because I've been in need before, need that left me wondering if life was worth going through anymore. Not that am not in need anymore, am sure that person whose message box is full of "Mpayo omutwalo" (Give me ten thousand shillings) knows about my needs. But I've been in worse situations and when I was there, I received. So I give. Whenever I have, whenever I can. Whenever.

Alright, can't find a perfect sign off. am I supposed to sign off?

cheers.

Sleep Sleep Go away

Ever been somewhere and all you can think about is Sleep? Good old, mind consuming, snore (and others) inducing sleep? Well, happened to me today.

Normally, afternoons are not exactly my most productive parts of my day but they are most alert times of the day (Something sounds grammatically wrong with this line).. But yeah, by 14:00 hours am as alert as a mother hen who has sensed a kite flying around her little ones. However, today was just wrong. Nothing worked out the way it usually does- So, I slept. I sleep talked, sleep thought, sleep went to the bathroom and everything sleep.

This is how it started out. A boss chose today to be the day he lays off one of his employees! Today of all days. Okay, that was my problem but there was nothing I could do about it. So, powerless as I was, I chose to go find food.
Yes, I stress eat. With every morsel of food down my throat, I kind of forget about the issue at hand. Be it a heartbreak, job loss, sick child- or someone taking me for granted... I eat it all away. Do I love my food or do I love my food.

So, off to food hunting I went. Found an eatery that didn't look so bad and ate all I could eat for Uganda Shillings Three Thousand. Approximately one dollar and a few cents! Cleared my plate and if time could have indulged me, I might have gone for a second plate. Yes, things are that bad. Maybe, it's more than a friend losing their job, maybe deep down there is something else eating me up. I know there is something else eating me up beyond today's occurrence. But I hope a few more pounds from today, I will have walked away from whatever is bothering me.

After that meal, I made my way humbly and very quietly back to my workstation. And then All sleep hell broke loose!! Aiya!! Tried watching a Jack Bauer episode but wa!!! Walked out of the office room, sat somewhere at the veranda and not even the sounds of a random village woman thumping a little child could keep me awake. In fact, I thought I was dreaming the sounds!! Woman kept telling the young girl she would beat them while she was actually beating her up. In my sleep, I could feel the punches like as if they were on me. But still I slept!

Walked back to my work desk and still slept. Tried out Social media-eh!!!

So, here I am. Telling you about my sleepy afternoon. With twenty seven minutes to head home, i still want to sleep.

Sleep sleep go away, come again in few hours- When the whole world has gone to sleep.

Cheers my friends.

Sleepy Mo.

You Stole from me

Dear Friend,
I do not hope you are doing well at all. I am not usually a hateful person but something about the memory of you brings out all the hate in me.
See, you and I were close. You knew my dinner plans two days ahead. You reminded me to burp my little one after a feed, you reminded me to check on the cake baking in the oven. You were with me.
Physically apart we were but the thousands of miles and difference in time zones didnot matter. In an era where whatsapp messenger, viber and all the messenger clan members were not yet born..we managed to keep in touch every minute of everyday.
In you I found a friend, confidante and everyone warm and fluffy. Not even the man with whom I shared my bed, body and baby could elicit a smile as wide as the one that flashed whenever my phone vibrated.
#Sigh
You were my sister, brother, best friend and my Me.
So, the day you called to tell me you'd be in town for a three day training was no doubt a happy one for me. I knew we were not going to paint each other's nails or try out each other's petticoats but I had envisaged a fruitful meeting. One where we'd talk personal development. Maybe you telling me about The girl in your life, the one with whom you'd been having problems.
I prepared the evening meal at mine in haste so as to be at your hotel in time for us to catch up and me to get back home before my housemates came home. I carried my little one and off to Your Plush hotel room we trudged.
Little did I know that you had "other plans" for me.
Other plans
Plans that saw my daughter cry herself coarse while you forced yourself on me. I asked you to stop but I doubt you heard my plea. Maybe you did but didnt care.
Tell me, did you feel a better man? Better than the one who was taking me for granted back at my house? All the time you and I had been talking, you seemed to be an understanding person. You understood why I hang in there even when my partner got physically abusive.
But that day, your understanding all disappeared in a haze. I hurt but I could not cry. My baby was crying for her and I. I prayed for her to keep quiet. I prayed that you'd climax and get off me. I prayed that that Thursday would be erased from memory.
When you were done, you apologised, gave me money and left us in your hotel room.
You stole from me.
You stole my belief that no one has sex with another person if they are not in any sort of relationship.
You stole my special box where i kept my values for sex, love and marriage.
You took away my belief in Happily ever afters.
You robbed me of my will to forgive. You turned me against me. You Robbed me.
I took that money home, told my partner- my bad partner about what had happened.
He wept.
We wept.
I still weep. And I hope you are not doing well. Because you stole my goodwill.
Don't be fooled by the happy stories you hear about me, I don't know what happy is. I want to forgive you but that would mean forgiving myself. And I blame myself for trusting you.
My partner forgave me and maybe even forgave you. But I haven't.
You robbed me of my happy little girl. The one I had bubbling inside me.
I hope you are not well.

Mumble Jumble

So I learnt a new word today.. Soliloquy

a noun defined as "an act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play."

Away from new words and all, I learnt something new last night (aren't we always?) Well, I learnt that parenting is not so much about the your account balance but rather how much heart balance you have.

Wait, before you tell me about the diapers and medical, school and all those other bills, hear me out.

Parenting weighs more on the soul than it does on the wallet. You know that moment when you hear about the loss of the neighbor's thirteen year old daughter. That moment when you go through a list of apparent lumpens who should have been the ones to die instead (forgive me) but I don't have kind words for That Guy who molested and murdered a 7 year old child and is still roaming the village neighborhood. Atti released on police bond!!!

So, Last night was one of those nights where I found myself huddled in a corner sobbing my heart out. For no particular reason but then again for every reason. This world can be cruel sometimes.

I am no expert on the whole Gaza, Hamas trauma but it seems so unfair for the innocent lives that are lost all in the name of Holy war. I mean what is holy about using Humans as shields!! Since this is so called Holy land, can't they fabricate those metallic shields that the likes of David, Goliath and all their cronies used during wars? Can't they just clear a field and sort it out once and for all... However, the Israeli army has my support on this. It's rather cool to be called by someone to warn you that your apartment is targeted by the 'enemy'. I don't know who is the enemy here. But yeah.

You are probably reading this (i.e. if you've gotten this far) and are thinking, why is this all jumbled up? My dear friend, my mind right now is running in over drive. Any parent (#eye-roll- off with the parenting now!)

But yes, any parent would be at wits' end when they have a brood full of un-well little ones. Picture this, you get home one evening, find one of them seriously ill and you deal with it. Morning comes around and all seems well. So, you set off for your daily money hunt and just as you are about to say yes to a dinner date, the phone rings... Caller ID- Housemate!!! Before you pick up the phone you think about all the things that could have gone wrong but pick up anyway, thinking to yourself that maybe they want to tell you about this exciting recipe they are trying out for dinner tonight.

Well, it's not a recipe but information about how they are taking Child No. Next to the hospital as it is not well!!!! YESSUH!!! sucks, right? Right. It does suck. Things are not made any easier with the fact that it is Mid-month.. (can i hear an amen?) and Mid Week and you have been taken more leaves of absence in the last fifteen days than anyone on your team... #sigh

Then a thought crosses my mind, all I have are un-well children. How about my neighbor who buried her child yesterday? Wouldn't she do anything just to hold her little one for another minute- ill or not. Rowdy or not? 

So, no, I will not complain. in my soliloquy this one (yes, I used that big word!) I will count my blessings. 

1. I am not in Gaza... I just live down the road.
2. I am alive and my ones are still alive. 

And whoever is out there going through one phase or another, take time off to count your blessings. Things could be worse than they are but they are not. You have what you have. Accept what you have, live through it and tell the story to another person. Your experience could save a life someday or encourage another to go through a similar situation.

Someone once told me that life is not long enough for us to learn from our experiences. Sometimes, we learn from other people's experience.

Let us all take a minute to appreciate our bosses who literally give us 'hell' at least you have something coming in for all that hell you are served. 

Appreciate your neighbor. The one upstairs who decides to pour soup water off their balcony at 11 p.m when you are sitting at yours prolly dreaming up fantasies with the full moon. At-least you don't live alone and if push came to shove, maybe that upstairs neighbor would give you a lift on a rainy day.

Appreciate that shop keeper who looks at you and decides you will not afford whatever items they have on display. Has anyone watched Pretty Woman? 

Remember the time Vivian (Julia) went shopping and the ladies literally shooed he? 

Well, walk to the next shop buy what you need and move on. Life is too short to come back and give them that "Big Mistake" notice.

And on and on.. point i am trying to make here is, Appreciate what you have in life. Where you are right now and Who you are. There can never be another you, there will never be another today and there will never be another terrible relationship like the one you are in right now (for all my sisters/brothers who complain about their spouses).. What you have now is what you have. Make the best of it.

Finally, Ella asked me a question about how a girl would have multiple sexual partners. I know, it is still a risky topic that usually ends with the girl being called all names my great grand father would shy away from but I will try to answer it someday. One of these days, I will.

Truly,

:)

Village Girl

I have loved the stars too fondly…

 

Though my soul may set in darkness,

it will rise in perfect light.

I have loved the stars too fondly

to be fearful of the night. –Sarah Williams

Words are our most important discovery. Forget about fire, forget about all the places we’ve been to, and all the places we’ll reach. Words allow us to see farther than any telescope. And, at the same time, words allow us to see inside each and everyone of us, to see every lever and gauge and all the other tiny elements that make us work. So it’s also a microscope.

Sometimes you read something a stranger wrote on a lonely night and you feel less lonely. You feel like you somehow know them, and your only regret in the world is that you haven’t read their words sooner. It doesn't matter that it’s late and you’re tired, it doesn't matter that tomorrow the words will still be there.

Sometimes you read something that’s so good that you want to absorb it all, you want for those words to become you, to express  who you are. Words written by a stranger, describing who you are to a billion other strangers.

And sometimes words are just beautiful. They sing to us in ways that no song ever could, in ways that turn the ordinary into extraordinary.

We didn't invent words. No. The words invented us. They invented this world, and kindly allowed us to create a million more inside our head or on paper. And we use so many words, at strange hours of the night, that sometimes we feel trapped by them. We feel lonely and scared, and we feel as if words can’t really express who we are. That, somehow, all we are doing is diminishing our experiences and feelings by writing them down or saying them out loud.

It’s easy to feel this way, especially if you've been writing for some time. To feel that we haven’t yet discovered the words that could accurately describe the fire that burns inside us.

And what do we do?

We use words to create the future. We use them to write about who we always dreamed of becoming but never had the courage to become, we use them to write about who we’d want to be, who we think we are. We use them to describe a world that was never meant to exist.

We travel this world with our pockets filled with dreams, and we can only make come true a few of them. The rest we write into existence hoping that someone else might want to make them come true…

We live on through our words.... We aim for the stars..our souls float in realms only imagined.

Village Girl

Not Made for Comfort-Typical Wena style

So, here I was blushing and feeling all great and nice because he told me "You were made for comfort,"
Its not wrong. He was not wrong. That is what I am to him. His comfort.

Been called a  'Guardian angel' (aaaaawwwwww.. cute right?) :) :D
) Yes, am all that above and more.
Problem is, all the above does not change the fact that much as I love giving, am seeking a giver.

Just the other day, it hit me after the lights had gone out. And I was in my bed alone, cold and sad. And Alone.
That night, none of my charity runs made sense... all the smiles I'd helped put on so many people's faces earlier that day, and etc. None of them could hold me and tell me all was going to be OK.

None of them was telling me that My Son was just teething and the stomach irritation would pass soon.
I needed someone to address my House Searching issue. That statement "You were made for comfort" did nothing to help. Instead it made think about why I was only remembered when Comfort was needed.

.... (April 27, 2014)


 Months later, (July 8, 2014) on a sleepless 3 a.m stretch I find myself attempting to complete this draft. Why am I wake at this time? Well, because my Tummy is complaining about feeding it roadside chicken. Yes I did. This love for being different will send me places unimaginable. Earlier on (or was it yesterday evening?) my colleague/walk-mate decided to "house us" roadside chicken. It had been a long day and it felt nice trying out the chicken as opposed to the usual popcorn and sumbusa. No, I didn't consume the contents until I got home and had washed my hands.
 Now, its past 3 a.m and my stomach is not very happy with me. I am so sorry stomach...please go back to sleep.
 I am not made for comfort.

 Why on earth would someone think of another like they think.of say their bed (i'd love to assume beds are the most comfortable places in our homes)? But why? Someone please help me understand why the very deliverer of that statement never stayed longer than forever. Did something about my comfort giving trait change? In fact they didn't stay round long enough for me to understand why they thought I was made for comfort. And now, I will never know.
 Another thing that made me scratch at my weave yesterday was the need for someone to hate (strong word, right?) Someone to hate another without really knowing who they are. Reason for the hate, they belonged to a particular community. Stereotyping (not sure what this word really means but it sounds right) is not fair.

Just not fair. So I am a woman...and you, dear gentleman- the current object of my desire- decide to treat me with caution just because my predecessor broke your heart or took off with your earthly possessions. Dude! The only thing I.have in common with her is we have the same physical anatomy and even that may not be true...I.could be your real comfort, your ticket to forever but then again,.you will never know that since i will not sit around and try to convince you that all women are not the same. No sir. The world needs my uniqueness- so imma bounce.
I am not apologetic for my existence. If you had met me 8 years ago...then I would have been. However, a few things changed and now I love the me that I am.

And before i attempt one more hour of sleep, I have this need to send a simple shout out to a coupla acquaintances.

 Dear You,
It is a bit hard to conquer/subdue a loud spirit. She says yes to you but does not really want to say yes. She would want to say no almost all the time. See, this girl likes you but you like very many other girls. Is it hard for you to say you like her too? Do you ever notice how green eyed she gets when you are flirting with her best friend? Do you even care? She is not as strong as that other girl you sometimes hang out with...and all she wants you to do is acknowledge her as your woman. I mean, you have your toothbrush and change of underwear at her house. Tell your friends about her already. If you won't, then stop wasting her heart. ...................................

 Now...you Young girl who is not so young. It is just wrong to be a hypocrite. Stop with the hypocrisy already. See, I see through your act and either i am a bigger hypocrite than you are or I simply don't care much about your things. However, kindly note that these cat and mouse games hurt you more than they do me. I am not made for comfort.

 Good morning,
Village Girl (Wena).

Special needs, journeys and lots more (..continued)

Little boy of three, 

with cares so free,

aiming for a life up in the tree,

Because I was born to be free.

Young Man of Fifteen,

Not as active as other teens,

See, my voice is locked up in a tin,

I am a child with a Special Need,

Autism is not a disease,

I live inside my mind with ease,

But y'all look at me with unease,

I was not bewitched, I am a Special Person.

Accept me as I am, I have accepted myself.
(c) Okunga July2014

..................................

We continue our Journey to DXB (the free Arab destination). Our boarding call finally came through and  by then I had been feasted on by all manner of mosquitoes, cold and hunger so I was so ready to move. Tried buying a chocolate bar, but I couldn't. The Uganda Shillings I had on me were not enough to be changed to Kenyan currency and oh no, I didn't wanna touch the USD I had on me. There was a long shopping list attached to that currency.

In the wake of terrorist attacks, I was wary of four guys all dressed in Moslem garb and rapping on in Arabic who were walking ahead of me. I have repented and repented some more for the feelings and all the things I thought about these guys. After take off, I wondered if my remains would ever make it to the burial spot next to my Dad's grave site. 

So, we are seated, and the flight captain has welcomed us aboard- Dude had a voice. I have lost counts of the times I have imagined him singing me a lullaby on many a sleepless night (my sleepless nights are very frequent by the way)

The meals were so cartoon, believe me when I say I was hungry. I had last eaten Katogo at 10 a.m!! And now here I was being served tiny things like as if I had written somewhere that I was dieting. Well, I ate everything I was served. 

Then I slept. A great dreamless sleep. Funny, with all the earlier worries about an impending terrorist attack, I didnt dream about anything. I guess flying close to the proverbial heavens had something to do with the no dreams.

Hours later I awoke to a loud announcement calling for us to fasten our seats. Then the Captain's voice came through. That wonderful voice. (enough about the man's voice- i don't even remember his name!)

walking

At that DXB airport, eh!!! Entebbe airport is like a toy house! Man we walked and walked and kept walking with no sign of getting anywhere. Until we got to the immigration desks or whatever they call them.
And this guy asks me to open my eyes for his camera. In my mind am like, 

"Swahba, I just woke up from a 3 hour sleep which 20 minutes of walking had done nothing to clear. It is 4:00 a.m for crying out loud, and you want me to open my eyes!!!"

He eventually figured out that I was not capable of opening my eyes any wider so, he stamped in my small book, took whatever picture he could and waved me on. There I was with my bags, and not sure what to do next. Could not call or text, my phone battery had died and now I was at the mercy of those other powers.

Excuse my malo!! naye Touch to flush? 

In my mind, since I was already delayed. I was sure the person supposed to pick me up had already given up and gone back or found another person to pick and drop off. So I decided to take a trip to the bathrooms!! I swear, I did malo in the bathrooms. Alright, I know a coupla friends who will say I should have swallowed and not even taken a picture of the Flush sign, naye nedda. Me it passed on me. (sic)

"who does that? who takes pictures of toilet flush signs?" Well, I do. and I did.

Walked out to the waiting area and you will never believe it. Someone was standing there holding a placard with my name on it!! Hallelujah of Hallelujah-est!! Did a small dance!! Phew!!! Now, i could happily welcome myself to Dubai. The city of lights.

Meanwhile, this is already Day two of my trip. After that, not much happened. Took a few pictures in the course of my stay..wait, Did I tell you about the sun in that place?

Eeeish!!! the hottest day in Kampala is not hot at all. It is hot and humid in that place (duh!!- it is a desert!!) Yessuh, I am just  a village girl. Excuse my ineptness.

My 3 day stay is shared below.

Yes, I stayed at Jaber Ali Resorts- wali ku Marina

My Room

View of the Marina from my room

 That whole day, I was busy flipping through TV stations until I landed on #breakingnewsalert. Watched the #Kenya #westgatesiege as it happened. At first, I thought it was a different Kenya these Arab TVs were reporting about. Because, my Facebook News-feed had no report of it whatsoever. Called home (i have a sister who lives in Nairobi) and they had not yet heard. 3 minutes later, Facebook started reporting.
Whatever happened to that Mary who was caught in that mall and kept updating her status all day... I hope she made it.
Within those three minutes, i prayed, cried and prayed some more. Hoped it was maybe a sick movie scene being acted out somewhere.
My sister was safe- she was home mothering my little ones (yes, she'd left a day earlier to celebrate her nephew's first birthday)
It was a shortlived celebration though as the gruesome images rolling off the TV screen got messier and messier. My three day stay was spent glued to the TV (the evenings and early mornings, since I was working 8a.m to 3p.m).

My last night however, I managed to step out a bit. Went to the Dubai Mall and very many other places. Nanti, i had shopping to do- which I failed to do anyway. Caught the Dancing fountain- My ka phone is low resolution but yeah, hihihihi, i did those malo things of capturing a video.

And many other pictures. Tried out the KFC, and was given very weird looking chicken- it's no wonder I have not asked anyone to take me to KFC -Uganda yet.

All in all, Dubai is a beautiful City. But I love home. I am in love with my Kampala with all the noise and things that make it Kampala. Things that make it home.

Day 4 saw me pick up my bags and head back to DXB Intl Airport.
Like most before me, I went through the Duty Free Shop.

 And then it was time to come home.

Thank you for travelling with me.
Until next time,
lots of love,
Village Girl

..of month ends, trips, music and rants (Part 1)

Time Check? Way past official working hours.

The office room is deserted, everyone has gone home save for me. One would think I don't have a home to go. When In fact I do have more than enough reason to leave this place and rush home. See, (if you do not know) I have many children who have very many stories but seem to limit their vocabulary to just "Mummy?" when I am in the same building with them.

Someone calls out "Mummy?" and calls again and again. No matter how sweetly, rudely or whatever-ly you respond, they just keep calling. Don't get me wrong, I love being called Mummy, even when am in the bath and have soap all over my body and someone is screaming for Mummy at the bathroom door. Or when I just took my place at the toilet seat............ (you get the picture, right?)

So, I am in the office- Alone. Save for a couple of young men blasting away through my phone headset. There is this Song that I used to love and I think I still do love. Been playing it on repeat for a while this afternoon.

Takes me back to September last year (2013). 

Let me take you to shortly before September, My Boss then decides she wanted me to join her in Dubai for 3 days! In my mind I was like,... "........" Yes. My thinking pad went blank for a minute. A whole sixty seconds. So, I told a few people around me and they got excited enough for me. Relatives got writing shopping lists, friends- well friends cheered me on. So, i started thinking- "Now, three days with my boss...eh!"

So, Yes was not mine to say. It had been decided. 

Missed my piece of cake

Travel Documents processed, suits borrowed, Hair redone- Dude!!! and I was pronounced ready to go to outside Countries and Make 'em proud! :)

It was a five day Journey which by the way saw me miss my Little Boy Cut his first Birthday Cake. 

Day 1: 

I left home in a commuter taxi (am not one to show off) was slated to have breakfast with a very good

Yes, that is a weave. (Facepalm)

friend then at 10 a.m  (Gundi Waddawa?- We should do a katogo for old times' sake one of these days).
Was in my everyday faded jeans and little tee-shirt. To me it was a normal thing- I mean like going to the next town or something. But when I got to town and rested my little travel bag at a friend's shop- she went up in arms as to how I was dressed as compared to where I was heading. (eyeroll? yessuh!)

She bought me a dress!!! and forced me to put it on there and then! So, by the time I met my friend, I had on this un-ironed dress but Friend is a nice person, they didnt mention the state of my dress- well not that day.

Katogo done away with- Time check? 11 a.m. Flight is scheduled for 3p.m. So, that leaves me 3 hours to get to Entebbe airport, check in and etc. I sit in a matatu and it starts raining!!! Time check, 11:45 a.m and we have not set off yet. Well, we did set off a little after 12p.m. By the time we got to Kitooro it was raining!!! Now, there was no airport taxi in sight!! I did a Boda to the Airport!!! YESSUH. BODA BODA with my suitcase!!! 

Got to the the airport a few minutes after 2p.m. Should have checked in by 2pm but i was getting there after 2pm. In my mind i was like.. "My boss is killing me, and imma refund all the money she's spent on me this far"

But Luck was on my side. Trust African Airlines to be late. Our flight was delayed by two hours!!! Yay!! Me. I did the forex things, checked in and sat back to listen to the mixtape my friend had given me. Back to Basics 5 Mixtape. Had on it the likes of Lil Vicious (remember that kid?)  and others. 5p.m and we were called to board. 

The Plane reminded me of those taxis that go to Nsambya Hospital!! Ayi!! If you've been to Nsambya hospital using a Taxi from the Old Taxi Park, you know what I am talking about. Those things can induce a woman whos labor contractions have stopped faster than any drug the mzungu has ever come up with.

Next stop: Jomo Kenyatta International Airport-NBO. Since we had delayed by 2 hours, the flight to DXB had also been pushed two hours ahead. Here, My laptop battery was flat. My phone battery died too, but not before I managed a few texts to Boss, Family and Friend (I think Friend missed out on the NBO txt)

Well, I had thoughts like, What if I never return? What if we crash? What if my luggage disappears? What if, What if and more what ifs?

Tomorrow, please board with me that Kenya Airways Plane. Fly with me for 4 hours and let's stop at the  Dubai International Airport Terminal 1. 

For now though, gotta get home to my little people. One was asking me the other day to get her a new Daddy! She is not too amused by the fact that for a while now, her own Daddy makes promises he never keeps. "Will pick you up for Ice cream on Friday" promises that have refused to mature. 

Oh! The month ended yesterday (duh!! It's July 1st) and payslips were presented. Had the misfortune of peeping at someone's payslip! How on earth does an employer deduct someone's salary just because they lost a very close relative? Whatever happened to leaves of Compassion? So, if an employee is still on probation, do they cease to be human? Are they excused from things like falling ill, losing a loved one, and all the rest? 

That rant against that other boss might take me another hour, because I am so unhappy right now, I wish I would change a few things about certain things. If I could, I would, but I can't. 

I can only rant!!

Tomorrow, we'll board that plane.

till then,

Of Double losses and Sero Status

For years,  I had kept my love for a one Arsenal FC in the closet.. Gave myself all titles but Arsenal Supporter.... until the day they suffered a defeat!!! Dayumm!!! The guys were thrashed!!! (words of my boda guy)
Huh!, I had to come out and tell him munange, I support Arsenal... Which earned me a free ride. He was so sympathetic he refused my money- (facepalm)

Naye banange, 6 goals!! felt like losing two matches in one. And then I hear mbu they next week they are meeting Chelsea.. Ours are not good. I mean ours of Arsenal are not looking very pretty.

So, Munange, the other day I was heading home nga I bump into

This UHMG Mobile HIV Counselling and Testing Van 

So I walked in. Not because I really wanted to know what my sero status was, (I mean there is no divine infection) but just because I wanted to really see the inside of this van. And Basically be a statistic.
But as I was leaving (after being handed my slip) a pretty young boy with whom I'd had my blood drawn was pulled back. The Counselors asked him to step aside and didn't hand him his slip. ;(

That got my mind racing. He looked way to young to be HIV positive.. From first glance he'd not hit 25 years. I know, they coulda called him back because his results was not valid- you know those test kits know how to do bloopers also. But, me and my lugambo, I could not stop thinking that the poor soul was HIV Positive. Banange, that would be a shame. Being handed a death sentence like that before you even get ko a baby! Eh! Kitalo.

Naye nga eby'olungambo biwedewo, let's make it a habit to get tested. Especially if you are on a sexual network. Well, you might not know that you are on a sexual network, but as long as you have had intimate relations that involved parts of your bodies getting entwined- please go test. Test for everything-
Its pretty human and these days its considered normal for one to have more than one Sexual partner.
Well, personally, you might be doing it with just that one person but they are doing it with 3 or maybe 4 "carefully chosen" other partners.
Stay Safe! Africa needs another great Icon.

ION, mbu there is this little child that thinks they are great because they can spew forth vulgarities faster than they can spell their name. It was an unfortunate case that they chose to make me the object of their idling.. Well, for one, I do not engage in fights of any sort. (That was so 2012)!!! And then this small minded human (excuses of a human) deem it profitable to sit wherever and brag about how they 'assured' and abused a certain character.

Little Child of this universe, your insults will not hike the price of sugar, neither will it change the number of breaths per minute per person.. Wait, Did you actually think you were changing time? O.M! Gosh!! Stupid little child. (I use the word STUPID with measure)

Alright, so its a Monday Morning, and I worry about Arsenal FC. I worry that this was false labor... there is a two point difference btn AFC and the next guy on the table has an easy next fixture... For Chrissakes Liverpool is winning their next match- and the next team we meet is a definite no win.

Cheers...

Listening to Wrecking Ball .

It will be on repeat for a while- of that am sure-

PS: What is the plural of "Status"? (Comment with your answer/suggestion)

Confused Friend continues her plight-the next episode

Sat down again with my friend: my apologies, it hurt so bad i couldn't write it yet.
But here goes: The drama continues- the confusion intensifies... someone, please anyone set a match to this maze... am worried about her. she might drown-

So, We get to give names as the story continues.
Meet the players in this our real life drama- heartbreak galore.
1. Confused friend- Pretty smile
2. Baby Papa- Baby Papa
3. New man- SNL

Pretty Smile met SNL years ago. Their's was an online meet. A random chat room and numbers and personal emails were exchanged. The conversations were carried offline- but never face to face.

It wasn't until two years after the initial cyber meet that they actually met in the physical.
Needless to say, they'd flirted online and the meet up was a culmination of their previous late night phone chats.
They shared one but the most electrically charged kiss at a random location in the city. It was at the clock of midnight. They crossed over from one year to the other locked in each other's arms.
It was just a kiss. a kiss neither forgot. They parted ways, lost contact- mean things were said, SNL avoided Pretty Smile, and Pretty Smile found Baby Papa.

Years later SNL shows up, and finds Pretty Smile with a coupla babies and separated from Baby Papa. Chemistry between SNL and Pretty Smile is tight, just right though out of the blue, Pretty Smile discovers she's expecting again -Baby Papa's. And baby papa does all in his might to separate PS and SNL. Succeeds, anyway, she is pregnant and cant stay with a man who's not the dad of her baby.

Shortly after leaving SNL, BP leave PS.
So, PS, is single again and pregnant for Baby Papa. Yeah, life sucks.
Meanwhile, BP, starts a new relationship with a work mate.

onwards and forwards, through lonely maternity ward visits, walking to and from hospitals and eventually delivering a beautiful bouncing baby boy, Pretty smile comes out happy.
Finally finds her footing. And somehow,  a code is re-struck between SNL and Pretty Smile.
SNL is having a lady in his life too, so Pretty Smile is kinda hanging in air. But the Chemistry is more than right, it can only be compared to those things in telenovelas.

They walk village paths, make their own memories, and he tells her he loves her.
SNL actually confesses to loving Pretty Smile.
She's ecstatic to say the least.

And then Baby Papa re-appears. With his heart wrenching tirades,
he even managed to spend money on Pretty Smile, went all out on the dates
and all that.

Pretty Smile talks to her 'buddies' who tell her he's out for a lay.

Now, Pretty Smile is inclined to walk out on SNL and Baby Papa too.
She knows the danger of cutting off Baby Papa from her life for good.
There is three children who would be left fatherless.

But this here is her argument- you are welcome to judge her, advise just plain hate on her.

Baby Papa, sought her out because she was happy, and it hurt him that she was happy or maybe he wanted a share of that happiness well knowing what damage he could cause to her already fragile nature.

He wanted SNL outta her life- No brainer there.

He was desperate to get laid, and thought- oh well, she could lay me for free and if she says anything,, i'll accuse her of being crazy, after all the whole world knows i left her and i could never go back to her.-paranoid thinking

Who doesn't want a simple life?- we all do.

I asked my Little friend what her plans were:
Right now, she's hurting all over again. Damn this heart. She's unsure of what to do and how to go about it.
She reckons, cutting off all contact from both men, would be a good start. I pray she does not go pyscho on all of us now.

Going back to raising the babies. There is a few projects that need to picked up.
Quite ambitious list of things too, I can say.
I just wish her well in all her aspirations.

I hope and pray that his Pretty Smily young woman finds her silver lining at the end of this dark phase of her life.
Listening to Kelly Rowland's Dirty Laundry just reminds me of the sad look in my friends eyes. I pray her smile reaches her eyes once again.

When you’re soaked in tears for years, it never airs out

When you make pain look this good it never wears out

This dirty laundry, this dirty laundry

Unexpected happenings

When I woke up this morning, I was sure it would be a perfect day.
I knew beyond reasonable human doubt, that as long as the sun held high up there
My heart would be smiling.
I felt it in my heart, that all my loved ones would have a perfect day.

But, I forgot one thing, I disrespected a superior power.
These things are not mine to predict, they are not mine to decide.

Some of my loved ones are in mourning. A workmate lost his sister.
Now, that's not what I was looking forward to.
I'd replayed in my mind conversations, soft teasing banter for the 10 hours I'd be sharing
with my workmates.

None of the conversations I'd set up included funeral arrangements, travel arrangements
or TEARS.
Yet there has been tears in this office room this morning.
Tears brought on by the loss of a loved one.

Once again am humbled into submission.
I can only celebrate that which i have seen.
And only openly anticipate the rest, but not count on the rest which am yet to see.

This Does not mean, I'll stop thanking the Lord God for all the good/great things He's done in my future already.
I know He's done them because I asked. and when I ask He Does. Because He's God.
Knew me before, knows me now, AND KNOWS ME IN FUTURE. How awesomer can it get.

I thank You Lord for the time Rawllings' sister had with her family and loved ones.
Thank you for all the smiles she put on everyone's face.
Thank you for the positivity she contributed to my Country.
Thank you for the Children she brought forth to this earth.
Thank you Lord for granting her your peace.

Thank you Jesus for this day.
It is the day that you have made, I am rejoicing and am glad in it.