AM tired Mama, am tired.

My 21 days' journey is coming to an end in less than 24 hours!!! Hooray!
I've learnt a lot or rather re-learned quite some.
That is not why I find myself exhausted though.
Mama, I will not whine about what you never told me regarding adulthood.

See, it has been more than a fortnight of me not writing anything. It's not that I've been in limbo, no. I have lived through many moments I would have loved to share with you here but I couldn't. I couldn't breathe Mama, i've been choking on the very air that has been keeping me going. #Sigh

There are all these expectations around me that make me want to escape to a not known place. Don't get me wrong, am not complaining about motherhood. That is just about the only fulfilling responsibility in my stance right now.
But, I've made the acquaintance of people. Some good. Really good people who have put me as priority in my time of need.

Others came to my space to use me a sample for whatever relational experimental projects they had running in their lives. Take for instance a couple of friends who at one time nick named me "The Communicator". What hurts most is I thought these two were the best thing that had come my way since I became a mother. The chemistry was right. I put them somewhere up there close to my own blood relations. I loved these two in the only way I knew how. Confided in them at the slightest provocation. I didn't know what holding back was when it came to these two.
But, in all that giving, I didn't stop to think or see that I was simply a pawn. Being pushed around for their own miscommunication or creation for pillow talk. When I stop to think about the times I should have seen what was going on, I wish I could kick myself over and over again. I am ashamed of myself for being so gullible.
Both were so clever, they always noticed when I was slipping away and would then feed me a few morsels off their table which kept me around some more. Like a dog, I kept to this Triangle. Until, I couldn't. It shattered me. The day it finally hit that I was just a pawn. That day. It shattered me.

Well, it will be a while before I recover from that abuse but wherever these two are, I pray they don't use another. I pray they find a way of being human.

Mama, and then there is an annoying crop of parent, that believes Children will be raised through an email. How do I tell them that my email parenting application crashed? How do I say, that the last email attachment I received has flourished into a nice little handsome two year old boy who stops to ask me why am crying. And he will say Sorry Mummy even though I haven't given him an answer. How do I tell them, these previously email attachments have turned into real people with emotions? How do I say, "my email does not work anymore"?

Furthermore, Mama, there are those other people who think am either a clown or their gateway to entertainment. There are these Social Media networks and am sad to say that I've been held ransom by my followers.
They will come accusing me of a "wrong comment" i wrote somewhere! Or whatever! Thing is, thought I had a right to write what I want to. Oh! There is a particular one who thinks am plastic on social media and should just quit it all together. Atti, everything I do is for show. The charity runs I engage in are for some sort of showing off or gloating or something! It saddens me that the one person who claims to have your back is the same one who will not hesitate to move a knife through your smiling heart.

Mother, I don't know. I wish I could get on the road and drive around for days on end. Stopping to eat, pee and bathe. I've stocked up on music I would listen to on my journey. Got me some Norman Brown, Dave Koz, Elvis Presley, Evanscence (sp), Micheal Bublè, Michael Kitanda, some Charmant. Lots of Bachata, Meringue and Salsa tunes. Am sure if I could drive around, I would forget some of these things. But I can't drive around just yet. However, we'll keep dancing in our little house with my little people.
Little people who believe Mummy is Mummy. Mummy is not showing off. Mummy punishes them when they are wrong and that does not make them want to leave home for boarding school.

I will stay with my little humans.

I hope all is good in that world you live in now. One day, we might just meet up.

Special needs, journeys and lots more (..continued)

Little boy of three, 

with cares so free,

aiming for a life up in the tree,

Because I was born to be free.

Young Man of Fifteen,

Not as active as other teens,

See, my voice is locked up in a tin,

I am a child with a Special Need,

Autism is not a disease,

I live inside my mind with ease,

But y'all look at me with unease,

I was not bewitched, I am a Special Person.

Accept me as I am, I have accepted myself.
(c) Okunga July2014

..................................

We continue our Journey to DXB (the free Arab destination). Our boarding call finally came through and  by then I had been feasted on by all manner of mosquitoes, cold and hunger so I was so ready to move. Tried buying a chocolate bar, but I couldn't. The Uganda Shillings I had on me were not enough to be changed to Kenyan currency and oh no, I didn't wanna touch the USD I had on me. There was a long shopping list attached to that currency.

In the wake of terrorist attacks, I was wary of four guys all dressed in Moslem garb and rapping on in Arabic who were walking ahead of me. I have repented and repented some more for the feelings and all the things I thought about these guys. After take off, I wondered if my remains would ever make it to the burial spot next to my Dad's grave site. 

So, we are seated, and the flight captain has welcomed us aboard- Dude had a voice. I have lost counts of the times I have imagined him singing me a lullaby on many a sleepless night (my sleepless nights are very frequent by the way)

The meals were so cartoon, believe me when I say I was hungry. I had last eaten Katogo at 10 a.m!! And now here I was being served tiny things like as if I had written somewhere that I was dieting. Well, I ate everything I was served. 

Then I slept. A great dreamless sleep. Funny, with all the earlier worries about an impending terrorist attack, I didnt dream about anything. I guess flying close to the proverbial heavens had something to do with the no dreams.

Hours later I awoke to a loud announcement calling for us to fasten our seats. Then the Captain's voice came through. That wonderful voice. (enough about the man's voice- i don't even remember his name!)

walking

At that DXB airport, eh!!! Entebbe airport is like a toy house! Man we walked and walked and kept walking with no sign of getting anywhere. Until we got to the immigration desks or whatever they call them.
And this guy asks me to open my eyes for his camera. In my mind am like, 

"Swahba, I just woke up from a 3 hour sleep which 20 minutes of walking had done nothing to clear. It is 4:00 a.m for crying out loud, and you want me to open my eyes!!!"

He eventually figured out that I was not capable of opening my eyes any wider so, he stamped in my small book, took whatever picture he could and waved me on. There I was with my bags, and not sure what to do next. Could not call or text, my phone battery had died and now I was at the mercy of those other powers.

Excuse my malo!! naye Touch to flush? 

In my mind, since I was already delayed. I was sure the person supposed to pick me up had already given up and gone back or found another person to pick and drop off. So I decided to take a trip to the bathrooms!! I swear, I did malo in the bathrooms. Alright, I know a coupla friends who will say I should have swallowed and not even taken a picture of the Flush sign, naye nedda. Me it passed on me. (sic)

"who does that? who takes pictures of toilet flush signs?" Well, I do. and I did.

Walked out to the waiting area and you will never believe it. Someone was standing there holding a placard with my name on it!! Hallelujah of Hallelujah-est!! Did a small dance!! Phew!!! Now, i could happily welcome myself to Dubai. The city of lights.

Meanwhile, this is already Day two of my trip. After that, not much happened. Took a few pictures in the course of my stay..wait, Did I tell you about the sun in that place?

Eeeish!!! the hottest day in Kampala is not hot at all. It is hot and humid in that place (duh!!- it is a desert!!) Yessuh, I am just  a village girl. Excuse my ineptness.

My 3 day stay is shared below.

Yes, I stayed at Jaber Ali Resorts- wali ku Marina

My Room

View of the Marina from my room

 That whole day, I was busy flipping through TV stations until I landed on #breakingnewsalert. Watched the #Kenya #westgatesiege as it happened. At first, I thought it was a different Kenya these Arab TVs were reporting about. Because, my Facebook News-feed had no report of it whatsoever. Called home (i have a sister who lives in Nairobi) and they had not yet heard. 3 minutes later, Facebook started reporting.
Whatever happened to that Mary who was caught in that mall and kept updating her status all day... I hope she made it.
Within those three minutes, i prayed, cried and prayed some more. Hoped it was maybe a sick movie scene being acted out somewhere.
My sister was safe- she was home mothering my little ones (yes, she'd left a day earlier to celebrate her nephew's first birthday)
It was a shortlived celebration though as the gruesome images rolling off the TV screen got messier and messier. My three day stay was spent glued to the TV (the evenings and early mornings, since I was working 8a.m to 3p.m).

My last night however, I managed to step out a bit. Went to the Dubai Mall and very many other places. Nanti, i had shopping to do- which I failed to do anyway. Caught the Dancing fountain- My ka phone is low resolution but yeah, hihihihi, i did those malo things of capturing a video.

And many other pictures. Tried out the KFC, and was given very weird looking chicken- it's no wonder I have not asked anyone to take me to KFC -Uganda yet.

All in all, Dubai is a beautiful City. But I love home. I am in love with my Kampala with all the noise and things that make it Kampala. Things that make it home.

Day 4 saw me pick up my bags and head back to DXB Intl Airport.
Like most before me, I went through the Duty Free Shop.

 And then it was time to come home.

Thank you for travelling with me.
Until next time,
lots of love,
Village Girl

..of month ends, trips, music and rants (Part 1)

Time Check? Way past official working hours.

The office room is deserted, everyone has gone home save for me. One would think I don't have a home to go. When In fact I do have more than enough reason to leave this place and rush home. See, (if you do not know) I have many children who have very many stories but seem to limit their vocabulary to just "Mummy?" when I am in the same building with them.

Someone calls out "Mummy?" and calls again and again. No matter how sweetly, rudely or whatever-ly you respond, they just keep calling. Don't get me wrong, I love being called Mummy, even when am in the bath and have soap all over my body and someone is screaming for Mummy at the bathroom door. Or when I just took my place at the toilet seat............ (you get the picture, right?)

So, I am in the office- Alone. Save for a couple of young men blasting away through my phone headset. There is this Song that I used to love and I think I still do love. Been playing it on repeat for a while this afternoon.

Takes me back to September last year (2013). 

Let me take you to shortly before September, My Boss then decides she wanted me to join her in Dubai for 3 days! In my mind I was like,... "........" Yes. My thinking pad went blank for a minute. A whole sixty seconds. So, I told a few people around me and they got excited enough for me. Relatives got writing shopping lists, friends- well friends cheered me on. So, i started thinking- "Now, three days with my boss...eh!"

So, Yes was not mine to say. It had been decided. 

Missed my piece of cake

Travel Documents processed, suits borrowed, Hair redone- Dude!!! and I was pronounced ready to go to outside Countries and Make 'em proud! :)

It was a five day Journey which by the way saw me miss my Little Boy Cut his first Birthday Cake. 

Day 1: 

I left home in a commuter taxi (am not one to show off) was slated to have breakfast with a very good

Yes, that is a weave. (Facepalm)

friend then at 10 a.m  (Gundi Waddawa?- We should do a katogo for old times' sake one of these days).
Was in my everyday faded jeans and little tee-shirt. To me it was a normal thing- I mean like going to the next town or something. But when I got to town and rested my little travel bag at a friend's shop- she went up in arms as to how I was dressed as compared to where I was heading. (eyeroll? yessuh!)

She bought me a dress!!! and forced me to put it on there and then! So, by the time I met my friend, I had on this un-ironed dress but Friend is a nice person, they didnt mention the state of my dress- well not that day.

Katogo done away with- Time check? 11 a.m. Flight is scheduled for 3p.m. So, that leaves me 3 hours to get to Entebbe airport, check in and etc. I sit in a matatu and it starts raining!!! Time check, 11:45 a.m and we have not set off yet. Well, we did set off a little after 12p.m. By the time we got to Kitooro it was raining!!! Now, there was no airport taxi in sight!! I did a Boda to the Airport!!! YESSUH. BODA BODA with my suitcase!!! 

Got to the the airport a few minutes after 2p.m. Should have checked in by 2pm but i was getting there after 2pm. In my mind i was like.. "My boss is killing me, and imma refund all the money she's spent on me this far"

But Luck was on my side. Trust African Airlines to be late. Our flight was delayed by two hours!!! Yay!! Me. I did the forex things, checked in and sat back to listen to the mixtape my friend had given me. Back to Basics 5 Mixtape. Had on it the likes of Lil Vicious (remember that kid?)  and others. 5p.m and we were called to board. 

The Plane reminded me of those taxis that go to Nsambya Hospital!! Ayi!! If you've been to Nsambya hospital using a Taxi from the Old Taxi Park, you know what I am talking about. Those things can induce a woman whos labor contractions have stopped faster than any drug the mzungu has ever come up with.

Next stop: Jomo Kenyatta International Airport-NBO. Since we had delayed by 2 hours, the flight to DXB had also been pushed two hours ahead. Here, My laptop battery was flat. My phone battery died too, but not before I managed a few texts to Boss, Family and Friend (I think Friend missed out on the NBO txt)

Well, I had thoughts like, What if I never return? What if we crash? What if my luggage disappears? What if, What if and more what ifs?

Tomorrow, please board with me that Kenya Airways Plane. Fly with me for 4 hours and let's stop at the  Dubai International Airport Terminal 1. 

For now though, gotta get home to my little people. One was asking me the other day to get her a new Daddy! She is not too amused by the fact that for a while now, her own Daddy makes promises he never keeps. "Will pick you up for Ice cream on Friday" promises that have refused to mature. 

Oh! The month ended yesterday (duh!! It's July 1st) and payslips were presented. Had the misfortune of peeping at someone's payslip! How on earth does an employer deduct someone's salary just because they lost a very close relative? Whatever happened to leaves of Compassion? So, if an employee is still on probation, do they cease to be human? Are they excused from things like falling ill, losing a loved one, and all the rest? 

That rant against that other boss might take me another hour, because I am so unhappy right now, I wish I would change a few things about certain things. If I could, I would, but I can't. 

I can only rant!!

Tomorrow, we'll board that plane.

till then,