Not Made for Comfort-Typical Wena style

So, here I was blushing and feeling all great and nice because he told me "You were made for comfort,"
Its not wrong. He was not wrong. That is what I am to him. His comfort.

Been called a  'Guardian angel' (aaaaawwwwww.. cute right?) :) :D
) Yes, am all that above and more.
Problem is, all the above does not change the fact that much as I love giving, am seeking a giver.

Just the other day, it hit me after the lights had gone out. And I was in my bed alone, cold and sad. And Alone.
That night, none of my charity runs made sense... all the smiles I'd helped put on so many people's faces earlier that day, and etc. None of them could hold me and tell me all was going to be OK.

None of them was telling me that My Son was just teething and the stomach irritation would pass soon.
I needed someone to address my House Searching issue. That statement "You were made for comfort" did nothing to help. Instead it made think about why I was only remembered when Comfort was needed.

.... (April 27, 2014)


 Months later, (July 8, 2014) on a sleepless 3 a.m stretch I find myself attempting to complete this draft. Why am I wake at this time? Well, because my Tummy is complaining about feeding it roadside chicken. Yes I did. This love for being different will send me places unimaginable. Earlier on (or was it yesterday evening?) my colleague/walk-mate decided to "house us" roadside chicken. It had been a long day and it felt nice trying out the chicken as opposed to the usual popcorn and sumbusa. No, I didn't consume the contents until I got home and had washed my hands.
 Now, its past 3 a.m and my stomach is not very happy with me. I am so sorry stomach...please go back to sleep.
 I am not made for comfort.

 Why on earth would someone think of another like they think.of say their bed (i'd love to assume beds are the most comfortable places in our homes)? But why? Someone please help me understand why the very deliverer of that statement never stayed longer than forever. Did something about my comfort giving trait change? In fact they didn't stay round long enough for me to understand why they thought I was made for comfort. And now, I will never know.
 Another thing that made me scratch at my weave yesterday was the need for someone to hate (strong word, right?) Someone to hate another without really knowing who they are. Reason for the hate, they belonged to a particular community. Stereotyping (not sure what this word really means but it sounds right) is not fair.

Just not fair. So I am a woman...and you, dear gentleman- the current object of my desire- decide to treat me with caution just because my predecessor broke your heart or took off with your earthly possessions. Dude! The only thing I.have in common with her is we have the same physical anatomy and even that may not be true...I.could be your real comfort, your ticket to forever but then again,.you will never know that since i will not sit around and try to convince you that all women are not the same. No sir. The world needs my uniqueness- so imma bounce.
I am not apologetic for my existence. If you had met me 8 years ago...then I would have been. However, a few things changed and now I love the me that I am.

And before i attempt one more hour of sleep, I have this need to send a simple shout out to a coupla acquaintances.

 Dear You,
It is a bit hard to conquer/subdue a loud spirit. She says yes to you but does not really want to say yes. She would want to say no almost all the time. See, this girl likes you but you like very many other girls. Is it hard for you to say you like her too? Do you ever notice how green eyed she gets when you are flirting with her best friend? Do you even care? She is not as strong as that other girl you sometimes hang out with...and all she wants you to do is acknowledge her as your woman. I mean, you have your toothbrush and change of underwear at her house. Tell your friends about her already. If you won't, then stop wasting her heart. ...................................

 Now...you Young girl who is not so young. It is just wrong to be a hypocrite. Stop with the hypocrisy already. See, I see through your act and either i am a bigger hypocrite than you are or I simply don't care much about your things. However, kindly note that these cat and mouse games hurt you more than they do me. I am not made for comfort.

 Good morning,
Village Girl (Wena).

Tripping...yes I am

Miriam Makeba is on my play list. Surprise song! combined with the rain- this song sends me places. Think playgrounds and grass thatched houses. Lantern lit dinners and BBC News at 6p.m. Listening to guys talking through their 'noses' ;).

I was 14 years of age. Living with my Grand Parents. The Best Couple ever. The closest i ever came to living with Mummy, Daddy and Joy. Yes, there was Joy-in abundance.

At 14, I was exploring and learning and exploring and messing up. Had my first crush- yeah, had a huge crush on the neighbor's kid who seemed to be a ladies' man at my school. My crush all went and died the day he showed up at my school someday and everyone was around him. Well, I know it was a single sex school but everyone was so around him.
Suffice to say, my crush died that day- before I had had an opportunity to be exploited... :D
But, his Dad was a great guy. Had all these books in his study room.. The first time my Grandpa sent me to drop off Nelson Mandela's thriller I was blown away. Totally- I didn't want to walk out of that room. The Late Mr. Ochiengs was a smart guy (oh yeah, he was a lawyer and I was a teen wearing my heart on my forehead).. He looked at me once and told me to pick 5 books. And I could keep them. As long as I read each and gave him a summary- one a week.

He passed on a few months later though. I hope he is resting in Peace. I still have 3 of the five books. I have lost possessions in my life but I can't seem to let go of my Jeffrey Archer, John Grisham and Danielle Steele. The other two, I lost at school- trying to fit in circles by sharing...

So, the evenings with my GrandPa. My Best Friend to date. My Dad. The only Gentleman I've known in this walk of life. My Teacher. My Friend. We listened to Miriam Makeba sometimes- most times before the news came on.

Oh how I miss my Grand Pa. I miss you Jajja Dad.. Ok. So, we'd sit and listen to Makeba (RIP)- aaah, and he'd teach me things about life. Little things here and there.

He taught me how to bargain something to half price with a straight face.

He taught me that family is everything. He taught me that Love is enough. I look back (with tears) at the times he would come visiting me with nothing but his copy of the Sunday Monitor and a packet of family biscuits. We'd sit down and he'd tell me about my GrandMa who was bedridden at the time.
And he'd leave me a happy little teenager.

I remember a time I was suspended after just two weeks of school!! Two weeks! I got home, and fed him my story as was. He looked me in the eye and told me loved me very much. But he was a Teacher. So, he believed my story alright, but when we got to school he would believe the headteacher's story too. And whatever punishment would be dished out, I was to accept without any remorse. So, we agreed on that and fried egg that evening. The topic was never mentioned again.
Super GrandPa.

Oh wait, Its stopped raining- and I gotta come back to right now. Right now, aint so happy. Right now has responsibilities... Responsibilities.

If i could, If it were possible, I would have loved to spend a few more hours with him. ok. at least one hour a day with him. Just one hour a day.
Wait, he is physically gone, but still here,... so, why don't I, put aside one hour a day and write my GrandPa a letter. One a day...

Brilliant... Looking forward to that-we can do this Jajja Dan. We can.

Tomorrow morning- we'll hang out together. That I promise. Right now, I gotta go and do adult runs- Things... see people, take care of them...

I love you.

Someone else's eyes

Day zero-not fair
This is my life and it's my right to live
The way I want to live each day
That's what I wanna say
And this is my song
And for too long I sang someone else's melody
It wasn't really me
Somehow I took myself for granted
In someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
I can't love you, I can't love me through
someone else's eyes
You were the sun, I was the one who just
Revolved around you day and night
You were my only life but if I were free
Baby, I'd take control of everything inside of me
Find who I wanna be
I'd never take myself for granted
In someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
I can't love you, I can't love me in someone
else's eyes
I gotta show myself I can still exist without a
man.
Gotta finally take control, gotta see myself as
whole with you
Though you're not the one to blame, I was lost
inside your name
And I'll never be the same till I find a way back
home again
In someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
When I, I can't, I and I will not, you can't make
me
Ooh, someone else's eyes, ooh, baby, baby, baby
Till I find a way back home again
Through someone else's eyes
I saw reflections of a girl I was, hey, caught me
by surprise
Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never
realized
I can't love you, I can't love you through
someone else's eyes, ooh
Someone else's eyes, no baby, ooh
Someone else's eyes, can't do it, I can't do it
I, I love you, sweet baby, I wanna be with you,
baby
Through someones else's eyes, ooh
Someone else's eyes, oh, baby
Oh yeah, someone else's eyes
I wanna be by your side
God haven't you heard this lady's cry?

Confused Friend continues her plight-the next episode

Sat down again with my friend: my apologies, it hurt so bad i couldn't write it yet.
But here goes: The drama continues- the confusion intensifies... someone, please anyone set a match to this maze... am worried about her. she might drown-

So, We get to give names as the story continues.
Meet the players in this our real life drama- heartbreak galore.
1. Confused friend- Pretty smile
2. Baby Papa- Baby Papa
3. New man- SNL

Pretty Smile met SNL years ago. Their's was an online meet. A random chat room and numbers and personal emails were exchanged. The conversations were carried offline- but never face to face.

It wasn't until two years after the initial cyber meet that they actually met in the physical.
Needless to say, they'd flirted online and the meet up was a culmination of their previous late night phone chats.
They shared one but the most electrically charged kiss at a random location in the city. It was at the clock of midnight. They crossed over from one year to the other locked in each other's arms.
It was just a kiss. a kiss neither forgot. They parted ways, lost contact- mean things were said, SNL avoided Pretty Smile, and Pretty Smile found Baby Papa.

Years later SNL shows up, and finds Pretty Smile with a coupla babies and separated from Baby Papa. Chemistry between SNL and Pretty Smile is tight, just right though out of the blue, Pretty Smile discovers she's expecting again -Baby Papa's. And baby papa does all in his might to separate PS and SNL. Succeeds, anyway, she is pregnant and cant stay with a man who's not the dad of her baby.

Shortly after leaving SNL, BP leave PS.
So, PS, is single again and pregnant for Baby Papa. Yeah, life sucks.
Meanwhile, BP, starts a new relationship with a work mate.

onwards and forwards, through lonely maternity ward visits, walking to and from hospitals and eventually delivering a beautiful bouncing baby boy, Pretty smile comes out happy.
Finally finds her footing. And somehow,  a code is re-struck between SNL and Pretty Smile.
SNL is having a lady in his life too, so Pretty Smile is kinda hanging in air. But the Chemistry is more than right, it can only be compared to those things in telenovelas.

They walk village paths, make their own memories, and he tells her he loves her.
SNL actually confesses to loving Pretty Smile.
She's ecstatic to say the least.

And then Baby Papa re-appears. With his heart wrenching tirades,
he even managed to spend money on Pretty Smile, went all out on the dates
and all that.

Pretty Smile talks to her 'buddies' who tell her he's out for a lay.

Now, Pretty Smile is inclined to walk out on SNL and Baby Papa too.
She knows the danger of cutting off Baby Papa from her life for good.
There is three children who would be left fatherless.

But this here is her argument- you are welcome to judge her, advise just plain hate on her.

Baby Papa, sought her out because she was happy, and it hurt him that she was happy or maybe he wanted a share of that happiness well knowing what damage he could cause to her already fragile nature.

He wanted SNL outta her life- No brainer there.

He was desperate to get laid, and thought- oh well, she could lay me for free and if she says anything,, i'll accuse her of being crazy, after all the whole world knows i left her and i could never go back to her.-paranoid thinking

Who doesn't want a simple life?- we all do.

I asked my Little friend what her plans were:
Right now, she's hurting all over again. Damn this heart. She's unsure of what to do and how to go about it.
She reckons, cutting off all contact from both men, would be a good start. I pray she does not go pyscho on all of us now.

Going back to raising the babies. There is a few projects that need to picked up.
Quite ambitious list of things too, I can say.
I just wish her well in all her aspirations.

I hope and pray that his Pretty Smily young woman finds her silver lining at the end of this dark phase of her life.
Listening to Kelly Rowland's Dirty Laundry just reminds me of the sad look in my friends eyes. I pray her smile reaches her eyes once again.

When you’re soaked in tears for years, it never airs out

When you make pain look this good it never wears out

This dirty laundry, this dirty laundry