Perfection has become You.

Time check- 19:30 A.M. Walking along that road that we've walked so many times we practically know where the stones and ditches are without looking.

Can dodge cars with our eyes closed. Best bit, we aint saying nothing. It's a comfortable silence.
Hell, not comfortable, its a soothing silence. The vibe between both of us is just enough to keep us warm.

I am warm. I am warm because i have your jacket on. Who does that anymore? Thought that generation of men was extinct. You know what, you are an endangered species.

We talked, though i can hardly  remember anything we talked about.
Being around you makes everything else fade into oblivion.

I know you are seeing someone else. You and I will never be in love.
I am in love with someone else, you know that.
But this thing with you, is perfect. No fights, no silly arguments
The Chemistry is perfect. and you are perfect.

My one and only you.

So, as the sun sets on our perfect romance, I hold no pains or regrets in my heart where you are concerned.

You are perfect. My memories of you will always be perfect.

Au revoir mon amour parfait

Back to normal Programming

Alright,
so, its been a crazy heart wrenching week.
Was visiting with my pretty little sad confused friend, Pretty Smile, Remember her?
Hope not. Her life is one big tough ugly blob of drama.

But, things are looking up. Not for her though. I wont delve into that, because i could write for years about her plight and the cows could go visiting foreign lands and come back when am still writing about her.

Though, I'll wrap it up, she's let both men out of her life. the father of her babies -yeah. and SNL too.
its obvious she cares more about the baby papa but he does not care what she goes through as long as he gets his ego massaged.

alright, so, today, the Sun is shining. In my country- this lovely lovely rightly named Pearl of Africa, things are happening.

There is a new STD in town called Big Brother Africa:The Chase and there is a Ugandan Brother you can save by voting him to stay : Here

Am not a Big Brother Fan myself, Hell, i dont even own a tv set in my house. All I hear and know about BBA is randomly picked up from public transport areas.

alright, for now, lemme think about what I can write about.

Confused Friend continues her plight-the next episode

Sat down again with my friend: my apologies, it hurt so bad i couldn't write it yet.
But here goes: The drama continues- the confusion intensifies... someone, please anyone set a match to this maze... am worried about her. she might drown-

So, We get to give names as the story continues.
Meet the players in this our real life drama- heartbreak galore.
1. Confused friend- Pretty smile
2. Baby Papa- Baby Papa
3. New man- SNL

Pretty Smile met SNL years ago. Their's was an online meet. A random chat room and numbers and personal emails were exchanged. The conversations were carried offline- but never face to face.

It wasn't until two years after the initial cyber meet that they actually met in the physical.
Needless to say, they'd flirted online and the meet up was a culmination of their previous late night phone chats.
They shared one but the most electrically charged kiss at a random location in the city. It was at the clock of midnight. They crossed over from one year to the other locked in each other's arms.
It was just a kiss. a kiss neither forgot. They parted ways, lost contact- mean things were said, SNL avoided Pretty Smile, and Pretty Smile found Baby Papa.

Years later SNL shows up, and finds Pretty Smile with a coupla babies and separated from Baby Papa. Chemistry between SNL and Pretty Smile is tight, just right though out of the blue, Pretty Smile discovers she's expecting again -Baby Papa's. And baby papa does all in his might to separate PS and SNL. Succeeds, anyway, she is pregnant and cant stay with a man who's not the dad of her baby.

Shortly after leaving SNL, BP leave PS.
So, PS, is single again and pregnant for Baby Papa. Yeah, life sucks.
Meanwhile, BP, starts a new relationship with a work mate.

onwards and forwards, through lonely maternity ward visits, walking to and from hospitals and eventually delivering a beautiful bouncing baby boy, Pretty smile comes out happy.
Finally finds her footing. And somehow,  a code is re-struck between SNL and Pretty Smile.
SNL is having a lady in his life too, so Pretty Smile is kinda hanging in air. But the Chemistry is more than right, it can only be compared to those things in telenovelas.

They walk village paths, make their own memories, and he tells her he loves her.
SNL actually confesses to loving Pretty Smile.
She's ecstatic to say the least.

And then Baby Papa re-appears. With his heart wrenching tirades,
he even managed to spend money on Pretty Smile, went all out on the dates
and all that.

Pretty Smile talks to her 'buddies' who tell her he's out for a lay.

Now, Pretty Smile is inclined to walk out on SNL and Baby Papa too.
She knows the danger of cutting off Baby Papa from her life for good.
There is three children who would be left fatherless.

But this here is her argument- you are welcome to judge her, advise just plain hate on her.

Baby Papa, sought her out because she was happy, and it hurt him that she was happy or maybe he wanted a share of that happiness well knowing what damage he could cause to her already fragile nature.

He wanted SNL outta her life- No brainer there.

He was desperate to get laid, and thought- oh well, she could lay me for free and if she says anything,, i'll accuse her of being crazy, after all the whole world knows i left her and i could never go back to her.-paranoid thinking

Who doesn't want a simple life?- we all do.

I asked my Little friend what her plans were:
Right now, she's hurting all over again. Damn this heart. She's unsure of what to do and how to go about it.
She reckons, cutting off all contact from both men, would be a good start. I pray she does not go pyscho on all of us now.

Going back to raising the babies. There is a few projects that need to picked up.
Quite ambitious list of things too, I can say.
I just wish her well in all her aspirations.

I hope and pray that his Pretty Smily young woman finds her silver lining at the end of this dark phase of her life.
Listening to Kelly Rowland's Dirty Laundry just reminds me of the sad look in my friends eyes. I pray her smile reaches her eyes once again.

When you’re soaked in tears for years, it never airs out

When you make pain look this good it never wears out

This dirty laundry, this dirty laundry

The Plight of my Confused friend.

"He's supposed to have moved on. Hell, he did move on. He has a 6 day old baby girl.He walked out and said he was done.Welcomed me to pray if i wanted to but he was never coming back to me."

He'd found his happily ever after and in his words "I plan on enjoying every second of it'.

Then someone help me understand, why he's leaving her voice messages.
Why he is asking her out to dates-
They've been to a coffee date, a car park date(we all know how cosy and romantic 3 hour car park dates can be)
They are slated to go for a movie date sometime this week.

He's telling her how he'll never find another like her.
The 3 hour car park date had him talk about the first time he knew he was in love with her.

He described her attire that day-not very striking (same attire the author is doning today-well different colors)
She was seeing another guy back there but he was in love with her and we all know how far a man in love will go.
He told her he wanted her to be the mother of his children.
Years later, they have three children. Three lovely children.
But then he has another baby with another woman-

He confessed to openly comparing his current woman to her.
Told her, the only fight he'd had with his current lady was her telling him she'd never be his first wife.

He told her, he sees her in his dreams while lying next to the new woman.
He feels she does not deserve what she's going through.
He was in the labor ward with the new lady and all he could think about was the three times he abandoned her when she was having their three children.

Sad, right. Very sad.
But then, its not that this woman-Mother of 3 is a drop dead beauty.
she's not that intelligent or well educated. She does not come from an educated rich background.

She's just there. But then she prayed.
And this here is a manifestation of her prayers being answered.
Everyday that he hurt her, she prayed for God to touch his heart with love.
She prayed for God's grace to see her through the next evening with a smile.

His family told her to let the guy go, because he was fed up of her, but on she clung.
Let's say, he is the father of her children. That's a forever bond.
Her family told her to forget about him and move on.
Her friends told her to concentrate on making money for her children.

She listened to them all.
Went to work, and she covers 100% of the children's welfare.
But still she prayed for this man to love her.

And, she's in love with another man. -yes she finally let him go.
She's in love with another man. A man who confessed to loving her back.
And The father of her children is also confessing his never will die love for her.

He knows about the new man in her life.
He does not want her to break up with him.
but he maintains, he's not happy where he is.
His heart lies in her hands- in her smile, in her capability to handle difficult situations with less to average
resources and still manage to smile.
His heart lies with her capability to have her children maintain a healthy status all year through, without any help from him.

As i write, my heart goes out to her.
She's wondering why Baby Papa is confessing his love and being so nice to her.
Reminiscing and fantasizing a would have been future with her.
Why he just does not stay where he is.

She was fine, without him. she'd learnt to re-love herself enough for the whole world.
she was smiling from her heart, and not just with her teeth.

alright, so, anyone out there.
What does this guy want? Is it a ploy to keep her glued to unhappiness?
Is he sorry? If he asked, should she say yes?

and the Man she's in love with?
What happens now?

Next time, I'll give you a brief background into the Man she's love with right now, and how far they came.

You see she has a six year history with both men. One is the father of her children and the other is the Man who keeps around and is nice..

More next time.

for now, she's confused.

Confusion at its best-gibberish rambling

Everything was fine. As in awesome. I loved it all. I lived, breathed this session of my life.

The Chemistry was right. I was crushing, much as everyone thought it was much much more than just a crush
I knew it was not real.

It felt so perfect to be real. I mean, if i were really in love with this subject, I would have it in me to go green with envy whenever they talked about extra curricular visitations to people like me.
But, instead, i encouraged them said visits. I've been happy getting the Saturday Night Light sessions.
Oh, yeah, they'd grown to more than just Saturday but hell, who was complaining.

I wasn't. Subject was enjoying them. Wallowing in them in fact.
alright, so what's wrong now? If the picture was perfect, what happened?

let me add a little more bright colors to this picture that am about to erase-totally erase.
This Subject, we'll call him ME, says the right things at the right time.
Does not fail to bring me joy, happiness and to a ecstatic end of every journey.
He compliments, flatters me like no one ever has.
and i love him. Yes I love him-not crushing but loving.

Well, why am erasing the picture? you'll ask.
He told me he loved me back. Yes, I was angry, tired and didnt have my wits about me.
and he told me that He loved me.
Now, I waited 7 years to hear him say this.
And when he did, I felt empty. It was like, I'd reached the end of the journey but the house I'd expected to find was broken.

I was not excited. I felt lied to. Cheated, it felt so anti climatic.
Usually, when someone tells you they love you, you're supposed to be happy, prolly give them some
and Celebrate. Instead I walked out. I went home.

No, I didnt go home. But yeah.

So, CE loves me. Years later. Very many years later.
And I love him, but i want out. I've walked out. He has let me walk-gentleman that he is.

This here is another pointless, emotional rambling. One i shouldn't even share with the public, but I will share.
No one does make sense of anything I write. Hmm, not even I, But then it feels good letting it out.

Talking to myself on the way home does not seem to cut it enough. simply does not.
Oh, i have some juicy juicy gossip about someone else. But will do this a little bit later on. After I catch me some good shut eye and can thereby think and write coherently.
Not this gibberish...

huh!!!
Thank you once again.

I never used to be

Sitting at Ciao Ciao nursing an ice cream gone liquid.
Am here waiting for a friend to show up, did lunch at a beautifuly laid back home restaurant, rode across town for ice-cream when i should be...
Nah i shouldn't be nothing.
Well, he had to step out and take care of some business, and i love the quiet.
It's like, I just rediscovered me. Sitting here watching people, writing out conversation scripts for couples (stuff i assume they are saying depending on body language)
Unplugging people who walk in and out.
Now, that is what/who I was. I loved my corners. I loved talking to myself and coming up with conspiration theories about everything.
Hey, i lived out some of my theories and those are some of the best memories.

So, as i sit at this hard wooden bench at this silly expensive bogus ice-cream place in a so-called rich-neighborhood, listening to TIMBERLAKE'S Mirrors and watching my ice cream melt.....
I decided to just reach for a note book.
And here I am. i am many things, persons but i know a few things i never used to be.
I never used to enjoy hanging out in public places. I loved my bed.
Now, i dont exactly hate my bed but it feels like a prison. It's hard catching sleep without going through finances and the constraints that come with being short on cash perpetually.
Which reminds me, that I Necer used to care/mind about money. It was never an issue. Didn't have much hell, i never had enough but i didnt care anyway. I went with whatever was available. And it had to be enough.
Now, i am always looking for money.

Oh yeah, i never cared much for sexual relations, but now, i do. Am scared of screwing up something good. If the chemistry is right, I'd rather we kept it at that. let's ride on that wave. why bother taking it to another level only to kill it?
so, I've been kissing a perfect boy, who thinks am a perfect girl, and it's perfect. and i was wrong about him. so totally wrong.
Back there, i thought, he just wanted my body for his own satsfaction but i've had to take back my assumptions.
Never had a man who turns me on this much on every sense of the word and he's turned on by me, but listens to my gibberish reasoning as to why its not right.
He complements me at any one given moment. I mean like out of every 3 statements two are complimenting me. Flattering me here and there. And no, i didn't meet him this week. I've known him for plenty years. We separated, i went on to have kids with another man, broke up with the said baby papa, even hurt mr. Perfect crush but he's still here.
Warming my insides like no man ever has or prolly will.

Enough of telenovela love gallore

I never used to thinl about anyone beyond their shadow-now i fall in love with people. I pray for people's marriages, i talk mu friends into making up with their not so nice to me women.
I pray for the woman my baby papa is having a baby with.

I never used to be nice.
Now am nice. Scary, but i love and care for human folk.
I find myself wishing i could save the whole world.
Give out my clothes at the slightest provocation. I give out my money without thinking twice about it.

Alright, now am rambling.....
I love you so much i cant breath sometimes but i will not be with you.

Reflections?? One better, best Facebook Status update this week,

Over time I have discovered there is no absolute finish line for everyone in the race of life. 
Our tracks are different and our durations are different. 
The only thing we have in common is the same empire. 
For instance, one person graduates @ age 20 and struggles for another 5 years to get a job, another might graduate @ 25 and get a job immediately. 
One can marry a virgin and wait for the next decade to have the blessings of children, another lady probably after having series of abortions in her past, becomes a mother almost immediately after marriage. 
A fellow becomes MD @ 38 and dies @ 56, another becomes MD @ 55 and lives to 90. 
What a life! 

Life is full of twists, turns, ups and downs and many more surprises and disappointments.
 Life offers each one of us different opportunities and once an opportunity is lost, it's gone forever except by the grace of God. 
It is up to each one of us to patiently prepare, wait, recognize and utilize every opportunity. 
We learn on the way. 
No one knows it all or has it better.
 There is a reason why we all don't fall @ the same time. 
It's so that when one is down, weak and discouraged, the other who is strong, can encourage and lift the other person. God never promise that the road would be easy but he promised never to leave nor forsake us.
Although life is a competition, let us learn to go easy on ourselves and trust that God is working it all out for good (even if it doesn't make sense now).
 I know that there is a time for everything but most importantly that " it will come to pass ".
 Whatever trials, challenges or down time , this too shall pass and in due course, u will be up and strong again to lift up those who maybe down around u......
NEVER LOSE HOPE...

Encourage a friend in their journey of life!

Copied from www.facebook.com/sammy.saba.18

Am lucky to walk the same online streets with people like this one.
Cute compilation here.

Everyday I love you

Its been a while, yet again.
When am in a place like this, i make myself busy with thoughts of you.
Even in the middle of a terribly unproductive and dull day,

a thought of you makes it all suddenly bearable.

Alright, so here I am, finishing a post i started writing yesterday.

Mum, can be clumsy and busy like that. But she loves you nonetheless.

Micah, you've become a real joy to have around. Not yet four months but you want
to sit up right. mbu you are tired of lying down while everyone ignores you or looks down at you.
Hmm! I love you sonnie.

Azzaria Lexi(guess imma officially call you Alexaria) . I love the sound and uniqueness of that one.
 Lexi my love, you are the real definition of 'Bundle of joy'.

Altaira, you are growing into a very serious person. Very serious its kinda scary.

Justin Timberlake - Mirrors (Lyrics)

I just can't get enough of this song. Does a thing on my heart strings every time.

Just a girl dreaming about a guy- a particular guy singing this to me tonight.

This saturday night

Aint an easy thing-keeping my cool

Wednesday it is. My work week has come to an end. Non-productive it has been too. Never felt so disappointed before. Not I didn't have any highlights- i did have highlights. Pleasant surprises too. First, lemme go through my down points and i'll wrap up with the smiles.
First, i made this one mistake of talking to a psycho- ok. He beleives he's the perfect man. Guy is a contradiction. Am sure he breathes in contradiction too.. :). So one moment he's ranting about how he'll never get in touch with me because i stood him up. Next hour he's promising to pay for cab fare for me to go visit him. And on and on he goes. After that he rants all across social media about how women are such terrible creatures and he denied any direct connection with what he was going through.
So, I'll mini-undress him. Let's call him Cy Beane. Cy is the kind of person who thinks he farts floral scents. No, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with someone having this much faith and belief in them selves but it becomes a problem when u attack my person just because my ideas and beleifs are different from yours. When you outright insult me just because i say no to you or i argue your point of view.....

This line of thought is depressing.
Will create a new post for unpluggin people i come across in my walk along these streets.

Not don with all things depressing this month. But onto happier thingss.

Ram called. He called to apologize. I waited for this call for a long lon time. But by the time it came through, i didnt feel what i thought I'd feel. I thought I'd gloat, rub it in his face and tell him how happy i was. instead, i felt sorry. I felt sorry he was not totally living his fairy tale. I was sorry he was missing me and thinking of me.
Listening to him tell me how he thought abt me beyond just me being the mother of his children made me sorry. He was remembering things i never thought he'd noticed before.
I always thought I was like a piece of bad furniture when we were together. didn't beleive he was actually seeing me.
this soul opening heart breaking speech of his made me sad.
but, karma has no menu.

Next, Mr. Perfect Kiss. alright, he's called MCE. I feel so much happiness and things i can't put to words when I Think of MCE. I am not in love with him, but this chemistry is killing me. Its been years and one would think by now, the feeling would have waned. But everytime we are together, the need to get together again gets stronger.
I feel his gaze across the room.

So, yeah, this week finally ended. I've not been that productive but am happy. Life is to be lived. And am living it. Failures and all. Love and hurts alike. This is the life i've been given.

I pray for a bettee week. Next week, I'll snitch on all these people i hang out with-online, offline and everywhere.

:)
Village Girl
(Mother, Friend, Neighbor)

"You were made for comfort"

Grown to look forward to my Saturday evenings.
They've become the best nights of my weeks.

Better than any cozy lit restaurants or scented baths
Better than a lot of things.

Alright, so last night was epic. It was awesomeness redefined.
Don't get me wrong, but I gotta say this.

Alright, this is what happened.
I met a boy, years ago. He sounded like midnight silk on the phone,
He wrote and spoke well. He sounded perfect.

Great Kiss he turned out to be too.

Imma take you through this Saturday night lights episodes, one at a time.
Last night, was epic.

I may not know what it feels like to be in love with someone.
But I know what it is like to want someone so bad you can't breath.

I know what it feels like having that someone look at you with a need in their eyes
A need so deep you can't blink for the fear of missing out

Being with someone when the vibe is so strong, it could move mountains.
Breathing in sync with this person.

I mean, who knew that I still had it in me to blush.

'You were made for comfort'-
that statement plays on in my head.

Last night, was simply great.

Copied and shared-Thank you Lord

Yesterday, upon a bus,
I saw a girl with golden hair.
I envied her,
And I wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch.
But as she passed, she gave a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 legs, God help her.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, God help him.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He seemed not to know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, God help him.

With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I've been blessed indeed,
God help them.

and as i boarded a bus i looked at my hands then i realized that
one hand is meant for me and the other
to help others.......