Confusion at its best-gibberish rambling

Everything was fine. As in awesome. I loved it all. I lived, breathed this session of my life.

The Chemistry was right. I was crushing, much as everyone thought it was much much more than just a crush
I knew it was not real.

It felt so perfect to be real. I mean, if i were really in love with this subject, I would have it in me to go green with envy whenever they talked about extra curricular visitations to people like me.
But, instead, i encouraged them said visits. I've been happy getting the Saturday Night Light sessions.
Oh, yeah, they'd grown to more than just Saturday but hell, who was complaining.

I wasn't. Subject was enjoying them. Wallowing in them in fact.
alright, so what's wrong now? If the picture was perfect, what happened?

let me add a little more bright colors to this picture that am about to erase-totally erase.
This Subject, we'll call him ME, says the right things at the right time.
Does not fail to bring me joy, happiness and to a ecstatic end of every journey.
He compliments, flatters me like no one ever has.
and i love him. Yes I love him-not crushing but loving.

Well, why am erasing the picture? you'll ask.
He told me he loved me back. Yes, I was angry, tired and didnt have my wits about me.
and he told me that He loved me.
Now, I waited 7 years to hear him say this.
And when he did, I felt empty. It was like, I'd reached the end of the journey but the house I'd expected to find was broken.

I was not excited. I felt lied to. Cheated, it felt so anti climatic.
Usually, when someone tells you they love you, you're supposed to be happy, prolly give them some
and Celebrate. Instead I walked out. I went home.

No, I didnt go home. But yeah.

So, CE loves me. Years later. Very many years later.
And I love him, but i want out. I've walked out. He has let me walk-gentleman that he is.

This here is another pointless, emotional rambling. One i shouldn't even share with the public, but I will share.
No one does make sense of anything I write. Hmm, not even I, But then it feels good letting it out.

Talking to myself on the way home does not seem to cut it enough. simply does not.
Oh, i have some juicy juicy gossip about someone else. But will do this a little bit later on. After I catch me some good shut eye and can thereby think and write coherently.
Not this gibberish...

huh!!!
Thank you once again.